Today I am chatting with a new mama who found me at the end of her second pregnancy. Ronnie is married to her high school sweetheart and mama to a son and a daughter.
Ronnie had a traumatic cesarean in 2020, leading her to seek a VBAC birth when she was pregnant again.
Ronnie sent me this lovely email, "You were the only birth-related blogger/podcaster that didn’t make me feel ashamed for being so uneducated about and traumatized by my first birth. I felt so broken after my traumatic c-section. I thought my body was a failure, I was weak, and my babies were just too big. Then…you. You and my (new) very supportive doctor gave me the confidence to jump in head first and pursue a VBAC. Thank you. I feel whole again. I found you, and you gave me the confidence I needed to push through! I had a very redemptive VBAC last November…and I feel like a new woman!"
We chatted about her VBAC birth experience and how she was surprised that her bond with the baby didn't happen off the bat. Mama, this is normal and doesn't mean you are a bad mom.
When you first bring your newborn home, it can be hard to figure out what to do. Here are some tips to help you and your new baby bond more easily.
It's normal to feel like you're not bonding with your newborn.
You're exhausted, and it can feel like your baby is just an extra thing you have to care for in addition to your other responsibilities. The most important thing you can do is give them a safe environment, so they feel secure and loved.
Make sure that you and your partner have time together with the baby. This will help you feel connected to each other and ensure everyone meets their needs.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s important to remember that this is a big change for everyone—for you, your partner, and your family members—and there are many ways people can get support when they need it.
If something isn’t working for you or someone else, don’t hesitate to reach out!
Here are some tips and tricks to help you overcome the initial hurdles and enjoy this incredible experience.
1. Take time for yourself.
It's crucial that you set aside time for yourself so that you can recharge your batteries and come back to parenting with a fresh perspective.
2. Have realistic expectations about what kind of parent you will be.
Don't expect to be perfect at first—or ever! You won't have all the answers, and it's okay not to know exactly what you're doing. If your baby is safe and healthy, everything else will eventually fall into place!
3. Accept help from others when it's offered (and don't feel guilty about taking advantage).
Accept offers of help when your friends and family suggest them--especially when you are so tired that you feel you can't do anything right. People who know you well will not be offended if you ask them to hold your baby while you shower or if they take the baby while you go to the store for diapers. People who love you want to help, and this is an excellent opportunity for all of you to get to know each other better!
To find a therapist or information for postpartum.net
For a supportive mama community, join LNM Pregnancy and Postpartum Membership: Calm Mama Society
Grab a Free Pregnancy/Postpartum Checklist Bundle
Connect w/ Trish:
For more pregnancy & birth education, subscribe to The Birth Experience on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
If you are ready to invest in your pregnancy & postpartum journey, you are in the right place. I would love to take your hand and support you in your virtual labor room!
If you are ready to dive into a birth class and have your best and most powerful birth story, then Calm Labor Confident Birth or The VBAC Lab is your next step.
If you have a scheduled cesarean, take our Belly Birth Masterclass and own that experience.
If you are a newly pregnant mama or just had the babe, you want to join our private pregnancy and postpartum membership, Calm Mama Society.
Remember, my advice is not medical advice. Always discuss what you learn with your team. See my Disclaimer here! Also, We make a small commission from some of the links (you don’t pay any more for using our links); however some of the recommendations, we do not earn anything; we love ’em and want you to know about them.
[00:00:00] Trish Ware RN: My name is Trish Ware and I am obsessed with all things pregnancy and birth, and helping you to navigate with the practical and the magical seasons of this journey called motherhood. I'm an all day coffee sip mama of seven. And labor and delivery nurse who took her expertise in the labor room and turned it into an online one-stop shop.
[00:00:26] Trish Ware RN: For mamas looking for powerful education and support, I've had the amazing privilege of delivering mini babies in my 15 plus year career as a labor and delivery nurse, and as a mama of seven. I'm here to help you take the guesswork out of childbirth so you can make the choices that are right for you and your baby and write the birth story of your dreams.
[00:00:53] Trish Ware RN: So hit subscribe and let's replace your anxiety and fear with complete [00:01:00] confidence. Quick note, this podcast is for educational purposes only and does not replace your medical advice. Check out our full disclaimer at the bottom of the
[00:01:12] Trish Ware RN: show notes.
[00:01:17] Trish Ware RN: Hello
[00:01:18] Trish Ware RN: everyone. I'm so excited. Today we have another powerful birth story and I have one of my followers from Instagram. Her name is Ronnie, and she's gonna tell us all about her birth. So welcome
[00:01:32] Ronnie: Ronnie. Hey, thanks. I'm
[00:01:35] Trish Ware RN: so excited. I know that this is probably kind new for you to be on here, so we're gonna just walk through some different things about your birth and just share with everyone.
[00:01:46] Trish Ware RN: So what number baby is it that we're talking
[00:01:48] Ronnie: about today? This is my second baby.
[00:01:51] Trish Ware RN: Okay. Can you tell us a little bit about your first.
[00:01:55] Ronnie: Yeah, my first birth was a C-section back in April of 2020. It [00:02:00] was right at the beginning of the pandemic. There was just a lot of, there was a lot
[00:02:03] Trish Ware RN: happening. , I, I was literally about to be like April of 2020.
[00:02:08] Trish Ware RN: That's when we launched our first course, and it was literally when everything shut
[00:02:12] Ronnie: down. Yes. Yeah, so it was a little scary. I was a first time mom and my husband and I knew like nothing, right? We just trusted that everyone would take care of us, like pretty laid back and that just was not the case, . So we got there.
[00:02:27] Ronnie: I wasn't very dilated and they admitted me and they were like, it's okay. We'll get you started on Pitocin. Let's get your epidural. And I was just like, okay. Like you guys are the medical professionals. I was so wrong. And yeah, it was just a really. Rough labor. It was on my back the whole time. Yeah. Baby was OP and the nurses and I kept trying to tell the resident, He's op, he's facing up.
[00:02:51] Ronnie: Like the way I was feeling, his movements, I just knew. And she was like, no, he's not. You don't know what you're talking about. Just relax. And I was like, okay. I got [00:03:00] to attend. After 20 hours of laboring finally just on my back the whole time, they really didn't even come in and adjust me much. They just were like, whatever.
[00:03:07] Ronnie: And I pushed for four and a half hours. And this nurse kept saying to me like, oh, you're almost there. You're almost there. And after four and a half hours of that, like any trust I had and this woman was gone, I was like, I'm not almost there, or I wouldn't still be pushing. Eventually they were like, well, Maybe we should call like the doctor on call and not just the resident.
[00:03:28] Ronnie: We're just gonna Facebook message him real quick and Yeah, no joke. My husband and I were like, what? In the interim time? So I guess they, Facebook messaged him. I dunno that I'm so in shock right now. Like what? I know. Retelling the story. It's just, yeah, you just can't even believe it. But, but yeah. So they, they called the resident back in and she was like, yeah, the doctor's coming.
[00:03:48] Ronnie: The woman next door just had her baby. She gave good pushe. And yeah, she's like telling the nurses like, she did a really good job. How does that mean for you? I was, I was like, are you [00:04:00] insinuating I'm not? I don't know. Like I'm a first time mom, just help me out. Yeah. Doctor showed up and there like there was no change.
[00:04:07] Ronnie: He tried to flip the baby. They turned my epidural off somewhere in there. So then I was like exhausted and in excruciating pain and he was just like, I think we should go back for a C-section. And at that point I was like, like I clearly. don't. Yeah. Okay. So we, and baby was healthy and physically I was fine, but emotionally I was a wreck.
[00:04:28] Ronnie: I very traumatized and my husband. He explains it probably better than I even could. He was like, it was like, I knew this like vibrant, happy woman for our entire relationship, for high school sweethearts. We've been together for a long time. Wow. And yeah, and he was like, and it was just like a ghost of her was left.
[00:04:47] Ronnie: Like you just weren't even, it never affected my bond with my baby, thank goodness. But like for the rest of the world, it was just like nothing else existed besides the And how long did that go on that probably I was in the thick of it for [00:05:00] probably like six-ish months. And I was a pretty good faker.
[00:05:03] Ronnie: Like I would go out in public and be absolutely fine and I would come home and just cry and cry like I felt so broken as a woman and like I had no trust in medicine. After that, I went back for my six week appointment and my doctor was, how was it? How was the birth? Cuz he wasn't there. And I was like, it wasn't great.
[00:05:22] Ronnie: And I told him, I was pretty sure some negligence occurred and he was like, if you're concerned about birth trauma going forward, like just have another C-section. And I was like, I'm never coming back here again. Yeah, ,
[00:05:34] Trish Ware RN: I'm so shocked right now.
[00:05:36] Ronnie: Yeah. Yeah. It was a mess. The whole thing was just a mess. I just pulled myself up and dusted myself off and just told myself like, you have a beautiful baby and a great husband and a good life, so like you're fine.
[00:05:49] Ronnie: Everything is fine. So gosh. I think when my son was 10 ish months, we were like, let's try for another baby. I was ready for another little one, so and so was my husband. [00:06:00] So we tried and got pregnant pretty quickly in March of 2021. And this time like I wanted redemption. I was like, this is gonna be different
[00:06:09] Ronnie: And were you a new provider? Were
[00:06:10] Trish Ware RN: you already thinking V
[00:06:12] Ronnie: A C at that point? I was, yeah. I had done a little bit of research myself. I'm a nerd and like. I love research papers and things, so I was Googling like crazy and yeah, I was like, I think I'm gonna go for this feedback. I think I can do it. I found a new provider and I went in like I was ready to fight and I was like, if he gives me any trouble, I'm finding someone else.
[00:06:33] Ronnie: I am finding someone who's gonna support me. So I showed up and I, my guard was up. And I, I told him everything. I was super transparent about my, my C-section and the reasons I had one and all of that. And he just like listened and he said, how do you feel about Vback before I could even bring it up. Oh, that's awesome.
[00:06:51] Ronnie: I know and, and I was like, I think I wanna try. And he just grabbed my hand and he was like, you should try. Like you need [00:07:00] to. And I was like, what? That wasn't what I was expecting. So from there on, like we just built a really good patient doctor relationship and he was like slowly building my trust back and he was like, you don't have to do you know anything you don't wanna do?
[00:07:14] Ronnie: I'm here for you. These nurses are here for you. We're here for you. Had a pretty, like physically a pretty healthy pregnancy. Again, like my first pregnancy was emotionally. . There was a lot going on in my life. My husband got a new job and had to take a long trip out of the country. My, so I was chasing a toddler and pregnant.
[00:07:33] Ronnie: My brother passed away really unexpectedly. Ah. There was just like, A lot happening , but through it all, my doctor really encouraged me, take care of yourself, eat healthy, and go to the chiropractor. And I did all the things. I exercised four to six times a week and made that a priority and went to the chiropractor and ate the good food, and drank lots of water, and rested and really took care of myself and it, it made all the difference.
[00:07:59] Ronnie: [00:08:00] Right around, I would say 37 weeks like pregnancy just flew by and I all that trauma like resurfaced, . I was like, oh my gosh, like I am weeks away from doing this again. And all of it just came flooding back and I was like, I need to find someone to help me. So I was like Googling like crazy. I'm like V A C V, back support, birth trauma, like help and.
[00:08:29] Ronnie: I came across you actually, and I, I just looked at every free resource you offered. Cuz at that point I was like, I'm not sure I can really take a birth course right now. Like I'm getting ready to deliver. But I was like, I am going to do all the things. Yeah. I read and watched. Everything you had and I will definitely be taking your course next time.
[00:08:50] Trish Ware RN: And I wanna interject really quick for those of you guys who are listening, I have had people join the courses the night before their induction. We do what we call [00:09:00] a fearless birth experience every couple months where we do five days of live workshops and we invite people into our community so they see what we do inside of our MAMA membership and inside the birth courses.
[00:09:12] Trish Ware RN: And we've, we did it, it was two weeks ago. and we had I think four different moms who joined that week. Who delivered that weekend? . Who joined the classes. Yeah, because the classes can be consumed very quickly, but I think more importantly, the classes are, don't get me wrong, especially for my V back moms, cuz you know how that goes.
[00:09:33] Trish Ware RN: But what I love about, cuz we, we now have the pregnancy and postpartum membership, which is just a very low cost membership. And we meet, so we meet on Mondays for the Vback moms. We do a Zoom happy hour Wednesdays for all other moms, and then Thursdays for our postpartum moms and for mamas like you that.
[00:09:54] Trish Ware RN: Found us right away or have experienced what you did with your first birth, [00:10:00] which is exactly why I do what I do. Because you can't wing your birth, you can't go in there with unrealistic expectations that someone else is gonna make all the right decisions for you because they don't know you, they don't know what's best for you.
[00:10:15] Trish Ware RN: And what's best for Sally may not be best for Ronnie. So, but we meet with our postpartum moms every Thursday and oh my gosh, it's so powerful. We have pro, we all end up crying to be honest. But you know how that is, it's lonely. Like the, that postpartum can be very isolating and very lonely. So anyway, I was just interjecting because in case I have a mom out there who's, oh my gosh, I'm 38 weeks, what should I do?
[00:10:39] Trish Ware RN: Take the birth class. Like we, what we do is we cater, if someone's over 37, 38 weeks, we give them a fast track and then, Hopefully they'll have time to finish it all. But we also have our labor bat signal now too, which is where our girls at 37 weeks, they have a direct contact with me and my doula. So we've changed some things up [00:11:00] for moms like you who find us.
[00:11:01] Trish Ware RN: But that being said, we also provide a lot of free
[00:11:06] Ronnie: resources. Yeah. Yeah, and I mean I, I'll definitely be taking your course next time. Even just the free stuff. I was like, this is game changing and like all of that trauma and all, I was just able to set it all aside and be like, this is different. And I know you didn't know me, but I was like, she believes in me,
[00:11:25] Ronnie: If she was here with me, she would be telling me, yes, you can do this. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, a few days after that I lost a little bit of my mucus plug and kind of continued to, and I knew like that didn't mean labor was imminent necessarily, but I figured I was probably dilating a little bit. And so when I was 38 weeks and six days, I woke up.
[00:11:46] Ronnie: That was Thanksgiving morning, , of course, and I was contracting every five to six-ish minutes. Nothing crazy, but like strong enough to. And I told my husband, I was like, ah, I'm contracting. Like [00:12:00] we have a big day ahead of us. Let's just go. So we packed up the toddler and the food and we headed off to my in-laws and I contracted there all day and my
[00:12:09] Trish Ware RN: sister.
[00:12:09] Trish Ware RN: Now, did anybody know this was going on?
[00:12:11] Ronnie: Only my husband and my sister-in-law noticed. I was like sitting there eating pie, eating Thanksgiving dinner and I was like, I'm not missing this. Not before I have a baby. I am eating Thanksgiving. And she saw me like gripping the chair one at one point. And she was like, are you contracting?
[00:12:28] Ronnie: And I was like, yeah. And I was just like eating my pie. She was like, oh my gosh, you're crazy. . It was like, I love it. . Yeah, I just, I was like, the longer I'm at home, the better I think so what a great
[00:12:40] Trish Ware RN: distraction
[00:12:41] Ronnie: eating. It was. I was like, yeah, . So then we went to my parents later in that evening, still contracting, and my mom noticed right away she was like, what are you doing here?
[00:12:53] Ronnie: Like, why haven't you called me? You could go get some rest or something. And I was like, like, I'll have another Thanksgiving dinner here. [00:13:00] So we did, but I was getting tired by then, so I was like, we'll just, we'll go home a little early. We laid our toddler down and my husband and I watched a movie and just counted contractions.
[00:13:10] Ronnie: They were probably like three to four minutes. and definitely like, I don't , they were getting like more intense, but I was like, I can still sit through them and talk through them, like, let's go to bed. So he went to bed and I laid down, but I didn't go to bed. , I, I woke up around, didn't even wake up. I was awake the whole time.
[00:13:30] Ronnie: I, I went and curled my hair at midnight cause I'm like, we're probably going to the hospital at some point here. Oh, I'm, oh lord, I'm gonna try to look cute. So curled my hair, and I did a miles circuit in the middle of the night, and eventually I fell asleep for about three hours. So when I woke up I was like, oh, this must not be labor.
[00:13:48] Ronnie: Like I, I could still feel little contractions. And I was like, it's fine. And I got up and then I was like, oh boy. Like these are some real contractions. My husband [00:14:00] had some, some really expensive work equipment in his car and I was like, take it to work, which was like an hour away and I Oh geez. I know.
[00:14:07] Ronnie: And I'm like, just stay on the phone with me, like I'm still talking. I'm still fine. My last labor was very slow. Okay, stop.
[00:14:13] Trish Ware RN: Go one second. Did anybody. At any point tell you that second
[00:14:18] Ronnie: babies are typically faster. I remembered you saying that . Okay.
[00:14:23] Trish Ware RN: I'm just, I'm like on bated breath right now, waiting for,
[00:14:26] Ronnie: oh no, I'm definitely spoiler.
[00:14:28] Ronnie: We made it. We made it plenty of time.
[00:14:30] Trish Ware RN: Okay, so he goes on an hour, one way,
[00:14:34] Ronnie: hour drive. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And we stayed on the phone and I was like, drop the equipment off and call me when you're all done. Like all set there. And he called and I was like, yeah, you should come home. This isn't stopping anytime soon.
[00:14:48] Ronnie: So he came home, my mom came over and then we loaded up and we had an hour drive to the hospital. So we went and we got to the hospital. Definitely still [00:15:00] contracting and things were getting a little more painful. So we just, we sat together and set a few prayers together and then went in, got admitted or not, I guess You went to triage?
[00:15:11] Ronnie: I don't, yeah. Went to triage. Yeah. And they checked me and they were like, oh, you're at a four. We would say you should stay. And I was like, let me think about it. But I noticed, like when I was up and moving, things were way more intense that were not always liked. Of course,
[00:15:24] Trish Ware RN: of course. Yeah. The studies show that using gravity and movement is more powerful than Pitocin.
[00:15:32] Ronnie: Oh, I, I believe it. So I, after we discussed a little bit, they were like, it's very quiet. If you just wanna stay and we can watch you for a little bit, that's fine. We don't have to do anything like official or whatever. Just sit and stay. And I was like, okay, that's, we labored for a little bit. I was, uh, strap positive.
[00:15:50] Ronnie: They were like, if you're deciding to stay, let's give you antibiotics. And I was like, alright, let's stay. We'll stay. And I was very hesitant. I'm not so sure about this. [00:16:00] The nurse that was with me at the time, she's a little older school, and she just, she kept like laying me on my back and I was like, I'm not contracting as well on my back.
[00:16:10] Ronnie: Like I can feel that it's more painful and less productive. Does that even make sense? Absolutely. It does. Yeah. So I. Kind of was gently arguing with her, doesn't movement help. And she was like, it does, like we have to hear the baby's heart beating,
[00:16:24] Trish Ware RN: but it's easier for me if I can trace the baby and you don't move.
[00:16:28] Ronnie: Yes. And she would. So I would try to move around when she was gone and as soon as the baby fell off, she'd come back in and make me lay down.
[00:16:34] Trish Ware RN: Oh, that aggravates me. And Oh yeah. Let's just clarify. Mm-hmm. , the baby was having no issues, right? Nothing. Yes. And you were a low risk pregnancy. Had a V A C, his, uh, cesarean history.
[00:16:50] Trish Ware RN: So for those of you guys listening, I just wanna point out a couple things. One of the things that I teach in my courses is that we don't allow [00:17:00] anything out of convenience or curiosity. And so this right here is a teaching moment because the nurse could not keep the baby on the monitor. Oh my goodness.
[00:17:13] Trish Ware RN: Ronnie wanted to move when she was in pain. The nurse is making her stay in an immobile position, which has been proven to increase your risk of cesarean and all of their interventions. It also has been proven to increase the risk of fetal deceleration and intolerance of labor, all the things that land you in the or.
[00:17:37] Trish Ware RN: So I just want you guys to really hear me. If your baby is doing. You're low risk. There's no issues. Get your butt up out of the bed, and if she says, I can't keep the baby on, I would just be like, well, that's your problem. The baby's doing good. Okay. And I know that's easier for me to say than for you guys to say , but think about it, [00:18:00] Ronnie.
[00:18:00] Trish Ware RN: If you stubbed your toe, you wouldn't just lay down flat on the ground, you'd be jumping around, shaking your foot, yelling and using rhythm and movement to help you cope with the pain. That is what we all do in all instances of pain. We don't ever, unless it's your back. If you've hurt your back, you may not be able to move.
[00:18:21] Trish Ware RN: But other than that, you're going to find a rhythm, a k, a movement that helps you decrease the pain. So it's really maddening to me that was happening to you.
[00:18:33] Ronnie: Yeah. So I only tolerated it for so long, , and then I heard your voice, like I literally heard your voice in my. I just remembered you saying you can fire anybody you want to.
[00:18:43] Ronnie: This is your birth and your baby. Fire your nurse kindly if you have to. So I looked at my husband and I was like, I'm gonna fire her, I think. And he was like, what? What? I said, yeah. I said, I'm gonna fire her. So she walked in and [00:19:00] I was spared. She was like, oh, I'm just here to say goodbye and introduce the new nurses.
[00:19:04] Ronnie: We have a shift change. And I was like, hallelu. Yeah. Like this is gonna be better. So she left and I heard that door latch and I looked at the two new nurses. One was like a student who had just graduated and the other was a nurse overseeing her. And I was like, I have to get outta this bed. Like I cannot be.
[00:19:21] Ronnie: Second more, and they were like, let's get the portable monitor on
[00:19:25] Trish Ware RN: you like whatcha are doing in back? They even had a wireless monitor and she didn't use it. That's so lazy. I know. Shame on you. Shame
[00:19:32] Ronnie: on her. I know, I know. I was like, whatever. The good ones were here now. And these nurses, they were like incredible.
[00:19:42] Ronnie: I've never met better medical professionals in my life. Shout out to those nurses. Yes, Rachel and Stephanie . Shout out to Rachel and Stephanie. Yes. So they got me hooked up to the portable monitor and they brought in a birth ball and they even brought in like a comfy chair for me to sit in if I wanted to, [00:20:00] and brought in all this stuff.
[00:20:01] Ronnie: And my daughter was being stubborn and rolling away even from the portable little monitor. So when I was bouncing on the birth ball, like my husband was holding my hand and holding my shoulder and Rachel was holding the monitor on there, just like letting me bounce. And she's like, I've done that so many times.
[00:20:15] Ronnie: Yeah. Yes. . Yeah. I was like, this is it. This is what it should be. So we did that for a little while and then, um, They were like, you know what, let's just dim the lights and give you a few minutes to labor peacefully by yourself. And things were getting like pretty intense. And I don't know how to explain it besides, I was just in the fog.
[00:20:36] Ronnie: I was like, you're in your zen. I was, yeah. I was like so withdrawn and I was like, I probably still have hours of this and I can like barely breathe, but I'm just like, each contraction just trying to like, hold on. And, and they laughed. We, it was really like, as painful as it was, calm and peaceful, like I was
[00:20:54] Trish Ware RN: shocked.
[00:20:54] Trish Ware RN: Joyful enjoyful. Yeah, definitely. It was. Yeah. Yeah,
[00:20:57] Ronnie: I was, you love it. Shocked. But it was just my [00:21:00] husband and my baby and I just like laboring all this together and eventually, it was probably like an hour or two after that I was like, Okay. The contractions were right on top of each other, and I knew what transition was like.
[00:21:15] Ronnie: I had read about it, heard you talk about it, but like I wasn't putting the pieces together that like when I was shaking like a leaf and could barely think that's what was happening.
[00:21:23] Trish Ware RN: Isn't it funny how it sneaks up on you and you're like, what is this? What is this? And then all of a sudden you're like, oh, I know what this
[00:21:31] Ronnie: is.
[00:21:31] Ronnie: Yeah, it's fun. Like the last thing, check me. I was at a four, so I was like pushing and having a baby is so far off right now. I've got way more time and I'm not sure I can handle this. So I told my husband like, call in for an epidural. Even though like I was a little disappointed because I wanted to go natural and I was like, I'm just gonna go use the bathroom.
[00:21:52] Ronnie: Oh shoot. Yeah. So he went and called. I walked in the bathroom and I shot the door behind me and just mumbled, just leave me alone for a minute [00:22:00] and just alternated between sitting on the dilation station
[00:22:03] Trish Ware RN: and Ra. Rachel did not leave
[00:22:05] Ronnie: you alone. I'm hoping they did. Moment, like just for a few minutes. Yeah.
[00:22:08] Ronnie: And so my husband called, I went in the bathroom and, and I was alternating between like sitting on the toilet and leaning over the sink vanity and just rocking and just trying to relax. Yeah. And I was like, oh my gosh, like this epidural cannot come soon enough. I can't even think right now. So I did that probably for six or seven contractions and then I sat down and I felt this like really odd thing, sat
[00:22:33] Trish Ware RN: down on the toilet.
[00:22:34] Trish Ware RN: I did. Yeah. So funny thing for those of you guys listening, I teach my girls to do at least three to five contractions per O hour on the toilet because your brain from childhood is trained to relax your pelvic floor on the toilet. So perfect job. Yeah.
[00:22:54] Ronnie: Yeah, I remember you calling it, I think the dilation station.
[00:22:57] Ronnie: Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So I [00:23:00] was like, it's probably good that I'm on here before I get the epidural or whatever was
[00:23:03] Trish Ware RN: as far as I can before I get
[00:23:05] Ronnie: my epidural . Yeah. And, and then I just felt that like odd, like lurching sensation and I was like, am I gonna throw up? So I grabbed the trashcan and fold it over. and it happened again.
[00:23:18] Ronnie: And I was like, do I need to go to the bathroom? What's wrong with me? And then it happened again and all everything else disappeared. Just the words like fetal ejection, like hopped in my head and I was like, oh, my baby's coming now . So I called my husband and I'm pretty sure I was making no sense. And I was just like, get the nurses.
[00:23:38] Ronnie: And he was like, I did. They're coming. They can't hurry the anesthesiologist along too much. And I was like, no. Like you have to get them now. And he was like, I called. He's like, I did, I promise. I called. Didn't you hear me? And I was like, now, and I grabbed the counter and like the bar by the toilet and he was like, okay, all right, I'm going now.
[00:23:59] Ronnie: So he called him. . [00:24:00] And I heard them walk in like maybe a minute later and they're like, oh, where's Veronica? And he was like, she's in the bathroom. And I heard Stephanie, oh shoot. And she ran in and she was putting on gloves and she was like, Hey, she trying to act all like casual. And she's now,
[00:24:16] Trish Ware RN: is she the trainer or is she the trainer?
[00:24:19] Trish Ware RN: Is she Trainer? Trainer. Okay.
[00:24:21] Ronnie: Trainer. Yeah. So she came in and she said, I'm just gonna look real quick if that's ok. And she lifted my gown and she. Okay. Hey Rachel, like why don't you. Go get a doctor real quick. You know, she's trying to be calm. Yeah. And Rachel, do you want me to call Dr. Blake? Because that was the doctor on call and she said, Nope, scream into the hallway for a doctor please.
[00:24:43] Ronnie: like right now. . She looked up at me and she was like, so you're crowning like right here and now, so let's try to move you to the bed so you don't have a baby on the toilet. And I was like, okay. That was all I could manage. And so we got to the edge of the bathroom and it happened [00:25:00] again, like. My body like pushed down again and, and I couldn't move then.
[00:25:05] Ronnie: Like I'm, I
[00:25:06] Trish Ware RN: guess I'm surprised you were able to get off the toilet. I really
[00:25:09] Ronnie: am. I don't really, I don't know how I did it. I don't either. I was like, yeah, I, but after that, she must have been, at least her head must have been out decently because I was like, I can't move from here. So she picked me. This little nurse, she just picked me up over her shoulder and my husband's, I can help.
[00:25:26] Ronnie: She was like, no, just get outta the way. We gotta get this going.
[00:25:30] Trish Ware RN: I just am blown away. Like, why didn't she just let you deliver standing there? I dunno. I don't even, I would seriously have done that before I picked up a pregnant woman with a baby sticking out of her vagina. I
[00:25:41] Ronnie: know what I know. . Alright then.
[00:25:44] Ronnie: I dunno.
[00:25:45] Trish Ware RN: But that's like that, it's like that adrenaline strength that comes outta nowhere. And she probably was like, Panic stricken or something. I
[00:25:53] Ronnie: don't know. Yeah, I think she must have been. Cause like we talked about it later and she's like, I've never done that my whole career. I dunno,
[00:25:59] Trish Ware RN: [00:26:00] I've never seen that in my whole career.
[00:26:01] Trish Ware RN: Yeah, yeah. I would've gotten a blue pad, put it under you and waited for the doctor .
[00:26:06] Ronnie: Yeah.
[00:26:07] Trish Ware RN: She probably, she's probably having p balloons with her back at this point. Oh,
[00:26:12] Ronnie: I'm sure she is. Can you imagine? But she, she picked me up and she laid me down on the bed and a few nurses like ran in. I wish this was the only thing that disappointed me about the entire experience.
[00:26:25] Ronnie: I wish I could have voiced, no, I don't wanna be on my back. Cuz they wouldn't, I don't think they would've made me, they were just so like good and supportive. Yeah. But I couldn't, I couldn't even talk to say, oh, I wanna, and
[00:26:37] Trish Ware RN: I will tell you that I've had six unmedicated deliveries and. For the one, my earlier ones, I didn't know I could speak up and not be up in the stirrups and all that, but for the rest of them I had all these plans of pushing or delivering in the squad or whatever.
[00:26:56] Trish Ware RN: But every single one of them, I fell back onto my back in a wonky [00:27:00] position like it was the last thing. And that's just what I did. So you might have done that anyway. .
[00:27:04] Ronnie: Okay. Well I guess that makes me feel a little better.
[00:27:06] Trish Ware RN: I mean, cause the hardest. pushing is getting the head out. And you've apparently already accomplished that.
[00:27:12] Trish Ware RN: I, yeah.
[00:27:13] Ronnie: I. Yeah. . So I
[00:27:16] Trish Ware RN: bet your husband was in shock. Oh,
[00:27:19] Ronnie: he and he like does not do super well with like medical things, so he was like ghost white. He was like, oh gosh, is happening. Yeah. So a few other nurses ran in. I noticed that, and the doctors just, he just kind of moseyed in and he is this like big burly guy and Stephanie was like, you need to get over here.
[00:27:37] Ronnie: And he. He looked and he was like, oh my gosh. And I swear, I'm sure he didn't, but I swear he sat down on the rolling stool and shoved himself across the room to get in front of me. Like I literally,
[00:27:48] Trish Ware RN: this is like a Saturday night life skit. I see this little nurse picking up a pregnant woman with a baby.
[00:27:56] Trish Ware RN: Hanging out of her? No. A doctor like [00:28:00] doing a fast zoom across the room on a stool. your husband going white. Yeah, it was. And you're like, I'm getting an
[00:28:07] Ronnie: epidural. . Yeah. Yeah. I'm still like, and like still, I'm laying on the bed and I'm still like, I got hours to go. I don't know how I'm gonna do this. And, Stephanie, I was called Denial
[00:28:19] Ronnie: Yeah. I was so in denial. She like, she looks down at me and she was like, like two pushes and this baby will be all the way out. Like she's like out and I looked at my husband and I had never told him before that like I hated that other nurse. Kept saying I was almost there when I wasn't. , but like somehow, I don't know, there was some kind of understanding because he was like, she's not lying to you.
[00:28:40] Ronnie: Yeah. and two pushes and like she just popped right out. Nice. That was it. Yeah. And I had a second degree
[00:28:48] Trish Ware RN: tear. Well, because she came out flying.
[00:28:52] Ronnie: Yeah, she did. She really did. . Yeah. But, but they took her and checked her because she had a bowel [00:29:00] movement inside of me. Yeah, because
[00:29:01] Trish Ware RN: you probably scared the shit outta her too.
[00:29:03] Trish Ware RN: I'm sure I
[00:29:04] Ronnie: did. Yeah. They stitched me up. It was really no big deal like, For any mom who's worried about doing it natural and like worried about tearing. I didn't even feel it. There was so much pressure, like it hurt, but it wasn't like your typical like church lady horror story, like when I hit my baby.
[00:29:21] Ronnie: Yeah, it wasn't like that. It was, you
[00:29:23] Trish Ware RN: know what I, the, I think the one thing about. The, so there's two things, and of course it's hypothetical. Had they let you push her out, standing up, you might not have torn, but you might have. So it's really a moot point at this stage, but it's so correct. You, you do not feel it.
[00:29:44] Ronnie: No, and I felt it afterwards. It hurt, but really, I guess it's all the hormones that just rushed in. I was just like, I just had a baby and IV backed, like I did it and I was so happy. I didn't even feel
[00:29:56] Trish Ware RN: it. It was like, well, and all that area, there's so much going on and [00:30:00] so much pain. Our brain cannot take all those receptors.
[00:30:03] Trish Ware RN: It's okay. I'm dealing with this pain. That pain I don't know about.
[00:30:06] Ronnie: Yeah, . Love
[00:30:08] Trish Ware RN: it. I love that first story. It's so amazing. I'm so proud
[00:30:12] Ronnie: of you. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, and
[00:30:15] Trish Ware RN: I'm sure, so that was such a redemptive feeling when they laid that baby on you.
[00:30:19] Ronnie: They did. Yeah. It was, I like, I just looked at her and I was like, oh my gosh.
[00:30:24] Ronnie: We did it like all of the work and like all of the suffering and the trauma, it was just gone. It was just like I did it. I was like trying not to cry, but, well, and
[00:30:35] Trish Ware RN: I know, like I, obviously I didn't get to walk through the other side with you because you didn't come into the community. Um, but one of the things that we process with the girls is that feeling of.
[00:30:49] Trish Ware RN: Like my body's broken or there's something wrong and like maybe my body can't do it, and that is traumatizing. To have those thoughts and [00:31:00] to be like, oh, my body isn't broken. The system's broken, but my body's not broken. .
[00:31:06] Ronnie: Yes. Yeah. And all of that was going through my mind and heart, just like I felt so whole and unbroken and, but after everything calmed down, finally, cause it was like a whole circus going on and everyone laughed.
[00:31:20] Ronnie: My husband looked at me and he was, I have my wife back. You're back. You're so happy. And he did. Yeah. I'm so healed.
[00:31:29] Trish Ware RN: Oh, I love that so much. And I do want any of you guys listening to know, I'm not implying that someone who has a cesarean is broken. I'm just saying from years of working with moms who. Like you probably had an unnecessary cesarean because someone else made choices for you because there are absolutely amazing reasons to have a cesarean and thank God, [00:32:00] but a lot of times unplanned cesarean leave mama's feeling like their body failed them, and even though it's not true, It's in your head, and so that's why we call it the v a lab HA in redemptive birth because.
[00:32:16] Trish Ware RN: you're able to separate that and be like, okay, my body didn't fail me. And even in some cases for some of my students, there was an absolute legit reason for the cesarean, but a lot of 'em there wasn't. And so I love that part of it because. even. Even in calm labor, we have a lot of students. Like I just, right before I hopped on here, I was doing a birth plan consult with a second time mom who is processing a lot of trauma from her first birth.
[00:32:45] Trish Ware RN: She did not have a cesarean with her first. She had a vaginal delivery, but just a lot of trauma. And so to be able to process that is so critical. So critical. And my [00:33:00] hope is that. , unlike Ronnie who like may have processed some of the feelings of that her nurse was deceptive or what have you, which I will have to say, there's so many times when I'm pushing with her first time mom, where I see that the baby's right there, but mom just can't grip that push.
[00:33:18] Trish Ware RN: Now, nine times outta 10, that's happening when she's on her back with her feet and lithotomy because that's what the doctor wants. And I tell my girls all the time, I can't refuse for. I have to obey the doctor's orders. So if the doctor says, put her in lithotomy, when you're reg ready to push, I have to, unless you.
[00:33:39] Trish Ware RN: No, I'm not doing that. Or no, I don't want that. Then I can say, oh, I'm sorry doctor. She said No, so I can't do it. She's refusing. Then I can advocate for that. But I love that you went in there and you were like, no, this is gonna be different. And it wasn't.
[00:33:58] Ronnie: It was, yes. [00:34:00] It really was my, like when we got home and we were all settled as a family.
[00:34:05] Ronnie: My husband and I, we turned on the movie Hercules. I don't know if you've ever seen that Disney movie. Yeah. And, and he's just not a mushy guy, but there's that scene where Hercules like cuts off the dragon's head from the inside and he was like, that is what it was like to watch EV back. Oh. He was like, yeah.
[00:34:23] Ronnie: And I was like, I know that doesn't sound romantic to a lot of people, but coming from my husband, yeah. It's just like you're speaking about language.
[00:34:31] Trish Ware RN: I love it. I love that. That's so amazing and I'm so happy for you. I love that you were able to bring it for full circle. Yeah,
[00:34:43] Ronnie: yeah. It really, yeah, it was good.
[00:34:46] Ronnie: God made good of it all. I'm a devout Catholics prayer and all of that is like pretty instrumental in my journey, but it. Yeah, it all came full circle and I though my c-section, like it was traumatic and [00:35:00] really hard on me and hard for my husband and, and all of that. It. . I guess it made me like a new person, like a much stronger person, a much better advocate for myself, for my kids, and for my family.
[00:35:14] Ronnie: Mm-hmm. , like in the end, I'm glad it all happened. Yeah. The way it did and I'm so glad I found you. Thank you. Oh, I love it so
[00:35:22] Trish Ware RN: much. I'm so glad you found me too. And I wanna speak on that because I think that's an important. Valuable thing that you just said, and for my moms who are out there, cuz I, I have a lot of girls in our pregnancy postpartum membership that still haven't decided if.
[00:35:40] Trish Ware RN: They can ever have another baby because they're processing so much. And I think it's really important part of healing when you're able to look at that circumstance of whatever it is that caused the trauma. And this is in all areas of life, not just birth. And be able to say, okay, and I just watched this [00:36:00] amazing documentary on Netflix and.
[00:36:03] Trish Ware RN: They were saying like some of our greatest growth comes out of suffering, out of a bad experience. So to be able to use that and grow is so commendable. So I'm super proud of you. Oh, thank you. You're welcome. Thank you so much for coming on today. I am just so glad that you, you did, and you shared your story.
[00:36:23] Trish Ware RN: Thank
[00:36:23] Ronnie: you. Yeah, thanks for having me, and thanks for all you do, . Oh, thank you so much.
[00:36:31] Trish Ware RN: I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Birth Experience with Labor Nurse Mama. I just wanna remind you guys, the postpartum period is hard, but you don't have to do it alone. We'd love to invite you. Into our pregnancy and postpartum membership.
[00:36:47] Trish Ware RN: We hang out with our girls, we support our girls, and we are such a strong tribe. So check it out. As always, I'll see you guys again next Friday. Bye