Jennifer’s VBAC Birth Story: Navigating Postpartum Guilt & Two Under Two | 199

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Speaker: Today I have such a special guest with me, one of my amazing VBAC

lab mamas, who is also a part of our Calm Mama society and a part of my heart.

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She's here to share her.

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Powerful birth story with us.

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I'm not gonna give away and I know it's going to inspire so

many of you guys who might be sitting there feeling a fear or

doubt or wondering if a VBAC is even possible for you guys.

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When she first joined us, I remember and, and I can't wait to start

talking to her, she's sitting here with me right now, but when she first

joined, like she was carrying like some weight of that first birth.

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And questions.

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And what I love so much about her is that she took charge.

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And I'm gonna let her tell you a lot of that.

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So let's dive in and hear her journey from the beginning

to having a review act to being a part of our community.

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Trish: Hello, Jennifer.

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Hello.

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How are you today?

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I'm so glad that you're here.

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Thank you so much for coming.

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I'm glad to be here.

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I love it.

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So this is Jennifer.

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She's one of my feedback lab students.

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And what I would love for you to do, I, I would love for you

to kind of go back and share just a little, 'cause you know, my

pregnant mamas don't like to listen to long podcasts, but what.

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Tell us a little bit about your first birth and then how I, I can't

even remember at this point, 'cause you've been with us for so long.

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How, how did you find the VBAC lab and like what made you, like, what planted that seed?

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Like did you know for sure you wanted to have a vbac, like tell us all those things?

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and I was planning on doing the whole going natural, and.

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I, I did what I thought my body needed to prepare for that.

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And when I went into labor, things were going well.

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I was, conquering those contractions and I was like, oh, this is nothing.

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This is nothing.

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And then after being awake for so long, I'm like, so tired.

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I'm like, I just need to sleep.

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So I. I got the epidural, I slept, and then after 39 hours, I ended

up in a C-section due to being, I stalled at eight centimeters.

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And and when he came out, my OB had a hard time getting him out of my incision.

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Like, oh, this is a big baby.

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He was 10 pounds, 10 ounces.

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And so I'm just like, you don't mess around girl.

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No.

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And so I'm like, okay.

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Apparently this.

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Wasn't supposed to happen vaginally, but I, I knew that I wanted

to, still have that experience of having a baby vaginally.

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Mm-hmm.

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And so I saw you on Instagram and I knew in the back of my

mind when I was still recovering from James that like, when I'm

pregnant, I am going, I'm gonna get the VBAC lab and I'm gonna.

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And I'm gonna prepare for a vbac.

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So when I was got pregnant with my second, I joined

the Fearless birth week, and I joined the VBAC lab.

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Then when I was like nine weeks pregnant.

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And I was there for all the VBAC lab hangouts.

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'cause I knew, I know, I knew that I needed to have that extra support and knowledge

to be able to navigate me through, yeah, my upcoming birth for, for my second child.

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So I, I

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Trish: love this because.

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You knew that you wanted a vbac, like right from the get go, right?

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Yeah.

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And you had already seen like me talking about

the VBAC lab and you're like, yes, this is for me.

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But what I really love is like you were so involved.

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Jennifer: Mm-hmm.

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Trish: And I also, I would love for you to even share, because it wasn't

just the VBAC lab, it wasn't just coming to the, the pregnancy hangouts.

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You also went to a chiropractor, like you did more things.

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Yeah.

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Jennifer: So after I had my firstborn, I had,

with the C-section, there's a lot of things that.

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You can address.

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I had painful intercourse.

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Low back was so painful just sitting down.

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Mm-hmm.

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And I just knew I needed to do something more.

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And, I reached out to, a pelvic floor physical therapist and,

I learned how to relax my pelvic floor, how to strengthen those

muscles to help, have my pelvic floor be in the ultimate state.

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Yeah.

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So.

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And, and I got, got to the point after my first

pregnancy, I was, or after my first postpartum journey.

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I did that for nine months.

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And then, I was good 'cause I had my exercises and I was doing that.

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And then when I got pregnant again, I went back and it's been

a whole journey because the person I went to before, she was

no longer doing it in the office and I wasn't able to see her.

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So I had to seek.

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Someone else out.

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So I asked a friend and I went to her for a couple of

months and yeah, she was good at the very beginning.

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And one thing that I really learned from her is that, my pelvis was out.

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Mm-hmm.

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And she told me That's why you couldn't dilate to 10,

because with a big baby, like there's just no room for that.

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And so I knew that, like, explain

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Trish: that, explain that a little bit more for those of, for everyone listening

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Jennifer: because you have your pelvis bone that holds in.

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Yeah.

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All of your pelvic floor and stuff.

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And so she would, adjust that.

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And there'd be like a crap.

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And it was, and, and it's so interesting 'cause even doing like

internal work for pelvic floor, like, 'cause they do a clock.

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So like eight and nine were my problem areas.

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It was like really tender or hurt a little bit once my pelvic

floor was, or my pelvis was in that spot wasn't tender anymore.

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So that's when I knew, I'm like, okay, like my pelvis is in right then.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Because that's another indicator to figure that out for how she does that.

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And so, yeah.

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Yeah, and like I went to her and then I started getting like

persistent low back pain and I was thinking she was doing too

much for me, and so I found another physical therapist, which.

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Was even better.

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And so yeah, like, so if you go and you're not seeing the results

you think you should be or you just think something's off.

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Yeah.

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Like it's okay to go find something.

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Mm-hmm.

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Else and better for, for what your body needs and yeah.

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I was seeing a chiropractor the whole time and like I've seen this

chiropractor and for my neck because my neck would have problems.

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But he really didn't mess with like my pelvis and so I went to him.

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But like every week, like the last three weeks that I was pregnant and

I really didn't see, I felt like my baby was, was just struggling and

so, and not being able to And are we talking about baby one or two?

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Two or two.

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I thought so.

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Okay.

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I just wanted to clarify.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, because I did the same chiropractic for my first pregnancy too.

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And.

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Honestly, I do believe because when the doctor said my pelvis was out, like

inside, I truly believed that was what, that was your reason, not reason.

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And so, yeah.

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So when baby number two and due date was coming and I was like, this is

not working as well, and so I have a cousin who does my project, so like.

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Chiropractic and muscles, and I was like, yeah, I talked to my cousin.

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I'm like, Hey, I am 40 weeks, five days.

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Like I feel like my baby's stuck and can't, like my pelvic, like my body isn't open.

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Like, yeah.

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Like, Hey, can I come see you?

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Is it safe to come see you and do that?

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And he's like, oh yeah, totally.

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And so I went to him.

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He spent 40 minutes on me doing all the adjustments, all the things.

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And then he's like, go home and take a nap and relax and don't stress about it.

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And so I did that.

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Yeah.

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And then three hours later after that appointment, I

started labor and it went, because I had dermal labor.

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With my second.

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Yeah, I remember.

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So I was like, yeah, oh, is it gonna happen?

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But it would always stop.

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And so that's why I was thinking my baby is stuck.

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Can't, is trying, but can't.

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Yeah.

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Mm-hmm.

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And like, I need to do something for my body.

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And that was mm-hmm.

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The missing piece for my body that I needed.

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So it's just really learning what your body needs and I think taking care

of your body postpartum and like really learning those like, oh, like.

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You know, I feel like I need to eat something, like I feel

deficient in something and making sure you're getting those

things your body needs and help even re recovery and so, mm-hmm.

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And that, that intuition helped me figure out,

okay, my body needs to go see this Mya Proctor.

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So then yeah, hopefully things will start happening though.

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Trish: Yeah.

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I need to have a myo proctor on the podcast.

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Yeah.

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Well, and talk about some of this, like that's, yeah.

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Well, and you know, if you think about it, like

if your pelvis was outta whack in any way mm-hmm.

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The muscles would start accommodating for that.

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Yeah.

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So if you're adjusting that.

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And those muscles are not getting adjusted or stretched or whatever needs to happen.

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'cause this is obviously not my specialty, but it makes sense if that hammock is like off

whack so the baby can't like actually, 'cause I tell you guys, whoever's listening right

now, like the whole kitten caboodle starts when the baby's head gets down into the pelvis.

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Puts pressure on the cervix, which sends signals to

the brain and like the whole thing starts rolling.

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So if something is off even slightly that the baby can't get down in there and get

engaged and put pressure on the cervix, it can just throw a wrench in the whole process.

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Yeah.

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So I love that and I love how like what a go-getter you are.

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Yeah.

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Like she's not messing around y'all.

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Like there's no messing around here.

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Like she's doing it.

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So I would love to ask you about your experience, like during the

pregnancy being a part of the VBAC lab, being a part of the Hangouts.

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Like, what are some of the ways that you felt it helped

you feel more confident or supported or like whatever.

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Jennifer: So I think one thing that helped with hanging out with other

pregnant mommies is having their experience too, and what led them, especially

in the VBAC lab, what led them to their C-section and like, yeah, okay.

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These could have been avoided if.

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We did this and this and this and this.

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And so one of the VBAC moms that was in our hangout, she was misdiagnosed

with hypertension 'cause she had high blood pressure the one time.

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Yes, I know exactly.

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I know

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Trish: exactly who you're talking about.

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I ain't saying names, but I know.

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Yeah, I think she's already been on the podcast though.

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Yeah,

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Jennifer: I believe so.

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The one time and she didn't ask to get it rechecked

when she went to the hospital to get induced.

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Her blood pressure was totally fine.

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And so I had a hard time with the blood pressure the last three weeks of pregnancy.

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Yeah.

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and it's hard 'cause like I checked it at home and it was totally fine.

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And I felt like when I told my providers that like,

they didn't believe me, they dismissed that, they

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Trish: dismissed

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Jennifer: that like, yeah.

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And so when I was exactly my due date, 40 weeks, I had appointments, high blood

pressure again, I peed in the cup and my midwife diagnosed me with preeclampsia.

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And again, it's just, you have to know your body and what feels

right and what feels wrong, and I'm like, that's not true.

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Like my placenta.

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Yeah.

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Is good.

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Like it gives baby a lot of nutrition.

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Yeah.

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Like, I have a big baby, baby, my placenta is

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Trish: not dying.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And so, what other signs do we have here besides your one reading?

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Jennifer: Yeah.

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And I asked her, I was like, how was my urine?

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And she's like, oh, that's fine.

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But, and then I asked her blood work and she's like, honestly, like I wouldn't.

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Because you can get your blood work and then it would take days.

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And I wouldn't wanna risk that.

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I'm like, okay, I understand.

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And so they're like, we're gonna call the hospital.

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You can go in and get induced.

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And I'm like, okay, let's step on the brakes a little bit and reassess.

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And so hold up.

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I went, I went home, I talked to my husband about it, basically cried.

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And it's so funny 'cause I had a chiropractic appointment that day too.

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And so I went to his office and I asked him to

take my blood pressure and it was totally fine.

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Trish: And then I came back home.

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I think I remember all, I remember all of this.

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'cause you were sharing all of that with us too.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And And I have the labor backs signal, so I had to do that.

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That's why I remember.

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Yeah, I remember you sharing all this.

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And we like, come on.

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Yeah.

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Jennifer: Yeah.

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And the pocket doulas.

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Yeah.

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So I. had my chiropractor take my blood pressure totally normal.

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Like I came home home, it was fine.

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Yeah.

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It was after five.

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And so I knew, my OB was gonna be on call that evening.

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Yeah.

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Because that's what they said, told me when I was in the office, and so I gave her a call.

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And she's like, why aren't you at the hospital?

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I'm like, oh, let's talk about this for a little bit.

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Yeah.

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And so we had a conversation and she told me her concerns and I validated them.

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And I was like, yeah, okay.

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Like I will go to the hospital tonight.

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But I do not wanna be checked in the room because I knew if

I got checked in, they weren't gonna let me go game down.

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Yeah, game off game is on.

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Yeah.

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And so I was like, I want to go into triage.

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I want you to monitor baby, I want you to do the blood

test and the urine sample and the blood pressure.

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Yeah.

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And so I went in, obviously very nervous 'cause it's just like, oh.

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Because I knew deep inside that like my body still wasn't ready.

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Trish: Yeah.

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And if which, and then you're fearing going back to the OR again.

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Jennifer: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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And so, so I went in, they did all the tests, like of course

blood pressure was high at the beginning, but it was down.

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Yeah.

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And like the nurse that was in triage was like, oh,

your baby's showing off and he's doing super well.

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And I'm like, I knew it.

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I knew it.

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And then I had a follow up appointment at the OBS office two days later

with a different midwife, and it was awesome because she made sure I

didn't feel stressed or anxiety and she's like, okay, like you get changed.

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And then I was like Listen to the song Hold Hubby's

hand and I'll come in and take your blood pressure.

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And it was totally fine.

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Trish: Oh, oh, I love that.

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Jennifer: What,

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Trish: amazing

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Jennifer: midwife.

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Yeah.

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And then it was a couple of days later when I actually

went into labor and was in the hospital though.

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And it's so funny 'cause the, the bicep misdiagnosed

me with preeclampsia, the one who delivered my baby.

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And I had to really fast like forgive her.

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'cause I'm like, okay.

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Yeah, because you could, you didn't need that

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Trish: in the room.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Jennifer: And so I love that.

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Okay, this is happening and you're the one who's on call.

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So yeah.

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Trish: So what I love about this story, and for those of you guys listening,

I know if, if you're new here, you haven't heard that, but one of the

things that sets me apart from everyone else that has a birth course online.

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Besides 16 years of labor and delivery experience and having six birth

myself, is that we do what we call our pregnancy happy hours, our

happy hour hangouts, and we have one specifically for the VBAC lab.

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And then we have one that everyone, including the VBAC Labs, students can come to.

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And what Jennifer said, which we went into detail,

is that being able to hear that mom's story.

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And her regrets and how she navigated it allowed

you to have the courage to say, hold up, step back.

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Wait a minute.

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Like, you're not misdiagnosing me.

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But what I really also love about your story, Jennifer,

and of course I know you and I know your personality.

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Jennifer can be a badass and she can be very firm, but she's also like,

has such a spirit of like peace so you didn't, you're not like, hell no,

you're not doing this like you, like you said, you affirmed them, you

validated what they were saying, but you also stood your freaking ground.

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Jennifer: Mm-hmm.

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Trish: And that's what I love about that is that.

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One of the things that I teach my students is we're not gonna be like a-holes, right?

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We're not gonna like, be like I, and I say this in the courses all

the time, which you know, is like, you can refuse anything, but should

you, you're gonna step back and assess A situation without emotions.

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'cause all of that probably triggered emotions and like you had to step back and calm

those emotions and then look at the evidence like baby is doing good, passing the NSDs.

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I had one blood pressure reading my urine is good.

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Like I'm willing to meet you guys in the middle.

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I'm, I'm willing to come to the hospital because I'm not being crazy

and like not being smart with this, but let's figure it out together.

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And I know you enough to know that if there was any

other indications you would've agreed to an induction.

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Jennifer: Oh yeah, for sure.

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In the end, just like as long as baby's healthy and I'm healthy, then.

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But if baby wasn't fine, then it would've been, yeah, an induction.

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Trish: So, right.

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And that, that's the key right there, because people will say

all the time, like the most important thing is baby's healthy.

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And mom's healthy.

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Yes.

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That is very important.

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But there's also an importance to having autonomy and making decisions and not being told

you have to do A, B, and C when you're educated and like you understand here's the deal.

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The reason your midwife was, or your doctor was probably so shocked is that

not many moms get told to go to the hospital for an induction, and they don't.

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That doesn't happen.

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Like that does not happen.

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But I tell you guys, we don't send out the induction police to get you.

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Like, you can, you can say no, and like you can pause and you can take a moment.

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And now, for those of you guys listening, obviously I'm not your medical provider.

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I don't know your situation there, you know, and I teach my mamas, like

there are indications, like if your provider comes running in, she's.

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Frantic.

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She's calling in a team and like they're like, you can read the room.

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Like there are situations where you don't mess around and I'm

sure had they done that then you maybe might not have agreed

to induction, but you would've went straight to the hospital.

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So like there, there's wisdom.

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Like there's wisdom and that's why you have to be educated.

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Do you feel like you could have made all those decisions if you hadn't

joined us and you hadn't spent time in the Hangouts or with the other moms?

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Yeah, I don't think so.

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Yeah,

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Jennifer: because I

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Trish: would've just

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Jennifer: been a ball of anxiety and like barely by 10 pictures.

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Awful.

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Trish: Yeah, I have to go.

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The baby's compromise like now.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And that like a who in their right mind.

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If they honestly think baby's not doing well, of course we're gonna do what they say.

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Jennifer: Mm-hmm.

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Trish: Unfortunately, that's not always the case.

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So I had a couple other questions I wrote down.

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Jennifer: Let's see.

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Yeah, I know you asked about like how it is having like two or like a second one in Yes.

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The pregnancy test.

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Yes.

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So I dunno if you wanna

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Trish: go into that.

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Yes, I forgot about that, but I do.

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Yeah.

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For those of you guys listening, one of the things that I had put a

request out in our membership, 'cause I have the most amazing moms in

the world in my membership who are so loving and so graceful and just.

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Amazing to one another and funny, you guys are out of this world.

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Funny, like one of the things that we had a conversation recently and I wanted

to hear from them was, and maybe we'll end up doing a part two, I don't know,

but one of the things that I, know a lot of people don't talk about is those

feelings that you feel, and I know your story in particular about this, so.

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I would love for you to talk about going into having baby number two and

maybe even like, 'cause I'm not sure you anticipated how you were gonna feel.

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Yeah.

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Did you,

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Jennifer: oh, it was much harder than I, I thought it would be because I was planning

on getting pregnant after my son turned one years old, and it happened that month and.

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My boys are 21 months apart.

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Me and my sister are 21 months apart.

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And we have a really good relationship and it's nice to have that buddy.

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And so I was like, my mom did it so I can do it too.

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Yeah.

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It was so hard.

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I felt like one of the, like even being pregnant is feeling

guilt 'cause it's, you're, you don't have any energy.

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Yeah.

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And you, you just kind of lost this, like, I'm so sorry, I can't.

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Play with you like I used to because ick and there's girl.

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Yeah.

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You feel you're tired.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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And my like toddler's just like play with me and

I was his favorite person in the whole world.

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And yeah, that has changed.

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And it's now my husband, which is awesome to see.

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But it's kind of like, how is that for you?

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It's a little sad 'cause I'm like, oh, he used to always want me.

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But now he always wants dad.

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But I think it's really awesome because it's like their relationship is growing and

becoming this beautiful masterpiece and I love the relationship my husband has with

our boys and I think the thing that was hard 'cause it wasn't like the first time.

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Because when you have baby number one, it's just you

and the baby and all the time of the world and Yeah.

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And you just get to dote on the baby and Yeah.

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But when you have a toddler and a baby, you don't have all the time in the world.

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You're tired.

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Yeah.

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You're more tired.

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Like my, my first one sleeps wonderfully.

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The second one, not so well.

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Yeah.

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And I still haven't slept, trained him because.

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I'm not ready for that with yeah, breast milk and stuff and

like losing that nightly feed and so I am more tired still.

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He was, he had different challenges and that was really hard to like navigate

and to do 'cause he had a lip high tongue tie and just the things you have,

the care and exercises you have to do for six weeks after that release.

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Not ha spending time as much with my toddler as I used

to and him being jealous And you missed it of the baby.

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Yes.

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And just, and then like, I'm trying to like, make

sure everyone needs are met and then I'm left here.

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Yeah.

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And I'm like, what about me?

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Like what about my needs?

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Yeah.

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Like I wasn't able to have time for myself or do the

things that I need to do to feel like a person Yeah.

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And accomplished.

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And so.

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It definitely took a couple months, but I feel

like after doing it and, you're about to have

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Trish: me

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Jennifer: crying Yeah.

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After doing it and figuring it out.

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Like, my boys have such a great relationship.

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My oldest wants to get a hug and kiss from the youngest, my baby, every

time he goes to bed or every time someone goes, and so, and they like.

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My young, or my baby's nine months old and so they're like playing with toys

together and just like doing things together and just, they're just buddy buddy

and so like, yeah, it was hard to be like, Hey, oldest, we have this new baby.

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You're supposed to love him and he's gonna be your brother.

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And kind of like force that on him, but he's also interrupting your life.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Your perfect life you had before this baby came Yeah.

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Came in.

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But I feel like after the whole adjustment period

and just figuring that out, like it's really good.

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'cause I used to have to have my husband, read my toddler

stories while I fed and put the baby down for a nap.

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Because yeah, he would come in and be distracting and I'm like, I can't set him

to sleep if you're here playing with toys and like telling you about me and stuff.

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So, but now it's like, oh yeah, mom's feeding baby.

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Like I'm gonna do my own thing.

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He's used to that now.

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Yeah.

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Or he, he comes and like, lays down on Liam and

they snuggle while he's eating and it's so cute.

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So,

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Trish: yeah.

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Jennifer: But,

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Trish: and side note, because we've completely

skipped over the fact that you did get a vbac.

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Yes.

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Oh yeah.

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Thank Gods.

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Right.

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Can you imagine if you had to recover from a C-section and go through

all those things you went through, that would've been really difficult.

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Not that you couldn't have done it, because I know you, you could have done it.

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Mm-hmm.

408

So in the beginning, like emotionally, 'cause I

know that you went through a lot of guilt and like.

409

I hope you don't mind me saying this because I feel like it needs to be said

like some resentment towards the baby for disrupting, you know, and I know

that there were times I went through that when I had a more like difficult.

410

Newborn or what have you.

411

Mm-hmm.

412

And just like the rhythm of my life was so disrupted and especially, I

don't know about you, but like I felt like, oh, this is not no big deal.

413

I'm about adjust really quickly and I'll be the one that can do all that.

414

then there's this little person, and I've said to you guys before, like

the fact that it's this like new person, we don't know them, we love them.

415

We're not saying we don't.

416

Love them, but they come in and they turn your world upside down.

417

And to think that we won't have some anger or resentment

or feelings, but then as a mom, you then beat yourself up.

418

So it's like this horrible cycle.

419

Jennifer: Mm-hmm.

420

Yeah.

421

So definitely.

422

Can you explain some of that?

423

It was definitely hard, like because.

424

He was pretty good at breastfeeding and then like after

three weeks, 'cause that's when they had their first spurt.

425

He would, he would have more, a more difficult time

feeding and he'd be a lot more like whiny and like.

426

At the breast and that's just not fun to hear.

427

And yeah, like, come on.

428

Just like, and it's hard because it's like I just breastfed my other

one, like not a couple months, like ago when he stopped at 15 months.

429

Yeah.

430

And so I'm like, it's not that hard.

431

Come on.

432

Yeah.

433

What is the problem here?

434

Yeah.

435

And so, and I had to, it's like that figuring out, it's like, okay.

436

There's something wrong with your body and you're struggling, and so trying

to navigate okay, I went to do chiropractic care, still have problems.

437

Let me go see a lip tie, tongue tie specialist, and so went there, had all the ties.

438

Yeah.

439

Got them released.

440

Obviously it wasn't overnight fixed because you have to do exercises four to six hours.

441

Did you have to go see other specialists too, like different modalities or?

442

No.

443

So, thankfully, thankfully, here where I live, there's, a breastfeeding,

office, and the main gal is a nurse practitioner who does the releases herself.

444

So I didn't have to go see a dentist to, to get those ties released.

445

And so it was a really easy process.

446

it's still a lot.

447

Yeah.

448

But it's still a lot like they were in Scottsdale, so

I had to drive 35 minutes to get go there and Yeah.

449

Just making sure someone had my toddler Yeah.

450

While I did that.

451

And yeah.

452

And it was hard 'cause it's like with my first, I felt like I was in like baby

honeymoon heaven, even though I was recovering from the C-section, even though, yeah.

453

We struggled with breastfeeding for the first couple of weeks,

and he took three weeks to gain his birth weight and stuff.

454

I was still like, oh my goodness, this baby is amazing.

455

I love him.

456

Yeah.

457

Like, I didn't think I can love something this much.

458

And I was just like, in heaven.

459

And I'm like, oh, you want me to hold your baby?

460

Like, no, I'm good.

461

I'll hold my baby.

462

And, yeah.

463

That was, and it was different the second time around.

464

Yeah.

465

'cause I'm just like, I'm tired.

466

And I felt like once I got my toddler down and I just had

time with my baby, I just didn't wanna spend it with him.

467

And so I didn't like, and then you felt guilty that much and then, yeah.

468

Because I'm like, I need so many time.

469

Like, let me just like do something real quick.

470

And like he, he's a baby.

471

He is usually fine laying there for Yeah.

472

Like a 10 minutes.

473

And so, but it wasn't like, oh, let me play with you and

interact with you and talk with you and do these things.

474

Yeah.

475

And so, yeah, definitely different.

476

And it was hard 'cause I'm like, why is it like, why am I not in baby heaven?

477

Because I was like.

478

Yeah, I wanted to be a baby Evan, like this, like new baby.

479

The cutest thing ever.

480

And like those feelings were not there and it was so hard.

481

I'm like, I, like, I knew I still loved him because I wouldn't, I

wouldn't do all these things to help him to have like a good life.

482

Yeah.

483

Because I'm like with a lip tie, tongue tie, and then.

484

I found out that he's like dairy and way free, and so I had to change.

485

I have to change my whole diet.

486

Trish: Yeah.

487

In

488

Jennifer: order for him to have like a happy tummy and so, and

like, that's a lot like I'm sacrificing a lot for, for my baby.

489

Do you think

490

Trish: that maybe it's the rules and the things we put on ourselves on

what it's supposed to look like each time and, you know what I mean, like.

491

I think like there's literally nothing.

492

We paint

493

Jennifer: a picture of how it's supposed to be.

494

Yeah.

495

And then when it's not like that, then it's really

496

Trish: hard because then we think we're wrong and we think we're wrong.

497

Yeah.

498

Like we did something wrong because I'm hearing you and like there's

literally nothing wrong with the fact that you were craving some me time.

499

Like that is important.

500

Like, it's like, you know the whole thing on the plane

when they're like, put the oxygen mask on you first before.

501

Mm-hmm.

502

You know?

503

And like if you aren't.

504

filling that need in some way.

505

At some point that house of cards is gonna fall.

506

So it's really, really important that you do have that time, even if it's

10, 15 minutes and it's just different when you have a toddler and a baby.

507

Like those days of just like being in baby heaven alone and doing

your own thing and like, because you had those opportunities

when the baby was sleeping or whatever to feed you somewhat.

508

But when you have a toddler, those opportunities never overlap.

509

Like it's just always on.

510

Always demand.

511

Jennifer: Yeah.

512

Yeah.

513

You know, so, and then when you get a break, it's your husband gets

one kid and you get the other, so you decide which one you, you want.

514

Yeah.

515

Like, I want, it's not really the crazy toddler or the baby and Yeah.

516

And so, yeah, and that's how it's with like bedtime routine because

it's just like, it's all hands on deck until they're both asleep.

517

So, yeah.

518

Trish: How do you feel now?

519

How are you acclimating now?

520

Jennifer: I feel like it's really good because, I feel like I can go out with

both of them because I am very spoiled with my husband working from home.

521

So when baby sleep, I can just take the toddler out and then I kind of felt bad.

522

Yeah.

523

Because then my baby wasn't experiencing going out and doing things

and so, but I'm able to take them both out and not feel overwhelmed.

524

I love, the me time that I needed to spend while my toddler's napping and my baby's awake.

525

I spend it with him.

526

'cause he's just such a joy to be with and like, so happy.

527

And, and sometimes he just likes to go off and play.

528

And then when he is ready for mom, he comes back to where I'm at.

529

Yeah.

530

And be like, okay mom, I'm ready.

531

And so it's adorable and I think like.

532

In this phase of my life, God knew I needed this baby at this age.

533

For the things I'm dealing with.

534

And so, yeah.

535

'

Trish: cause you've been through a lot this year.

536

Yeah.

537

Yeah, and we won't go into all of that.

538

But when I say she's been through a lot, her family has experienced a lot

of loss and grief and confusion and, and all the things on top of postpartum

and learning how to parent two babies and yeah, figuring out how to process

your grief and be present as a mom, which is, yeah, and keep on like.

539

Life moves on, so, yeah.

540

Yeah.

541

Life keeps life in no matter what is happening.

542

I've learned that the hard way too.

543

Yeah.

544

So I adore you and I just want you to know how we, the Labor nurse mama team, are

so proud of you and like, I hope you know that like we really are so proud of you.

545

Yeah.

546

And we love you.

547

And it's nice having a community to go and rant.

548

Yeah.

549

Like to bitch, to moan, to celebrate, to like whatever.

550

Like and to question

551

Jennifer: too, because yeah, it's just like my, I've experienced this.

552

Like, has anyone done that?

553

Yeah.

554

And then there's all these moms who are like, yes, this and this and this.

555

Yeah.

556

And so

557

Trish: that's what I love about the membership and why I've kept

it so low cost, 'cause I've had business mentors or whatever,

they're like, why you, like you're, there's so much value.

558

Like why?

559

Like, no, I wanted to be one that moms, like, I remember when it was just my husband

working and I was a stay at home mom, and like even $20 a month could be a struggle.

560

So what I love about the community though is it's, it's community led.

561

Like you guys are feeding that community and you guys are leading one another.

562

Obviously the, we're there.

563

I can't keep up with y'all.

564

I'll say that to be blue in the face, like it moves way too fast for my old ass.

565

But I, like you guys have access to me on the calls, but

I love just how you guys love on one another and like.

566

That was the dream in the picture I had was that

there is a safe place for you guys to like be real.

567

Yeah.

568

And like, no mom, shame at all.

569

And we've had some moments where we've had to step in and

like be like, Hey, let's rein it in a little, you know?

570

But only like twice since I started the membership.

571

I think really honestly that's, that says a lot.

572

No for that

573

Jennifer: amount of, of moms, you know, so, yeah, I just, and, and they're really good.

574

And it's so funny 'cause like one mom had an incident, like preschool and all the

moms were like, oh my goodness, I totally understand where you're coming from.

575

I would be freaking out too.

576

Like, you're not, yeah.

577

You're not going crazy for this incident happening.

578

Trish: So, yeah.

579

And I, I love that because sometimes just to be able to come back to earth and like.

580

Not lose it is to have someone else say, no.

581

That like, that's valid.

582

That's valid, what you're feeling.

583

But it for just to have someone to say like you're valid in what you're

feeling and like I love even the husband rants sometimes that happen

or the mother-in-law or the family member or whatever's going on.

584

Or like with Ashley and you know who and all of us.

585

Like having our, our, our things to say.

586

It's been really amazing.

587

Okay.

588

So we have been going on and on.

589

We did two completely different episodes here, but one thing I would love

to ask you, obviously before we get off is looking back, do you feel like

your investment in the VBAC lab and in Calm Mama society was like worth it?

590

Oh, yes.

591

And

592

Jennifer: why?

593

Well, like.

594

The nice thing is like once you purchase the course, it's there forever.

595

And so I plan on happy having one or two more after this.

596

So I,

597

Trish: I don't think I, I don't think I 100% knew that till right now.

598

No, no.

599

Jennifer: Like,

600

Trish: yeah.

601

So

602

Jennifer: I'm so excited.

603

Yes.

604

Yeah.

605

Not anytime soon.

606

I'm probably like in six more months.

607

Okay.

608

And so we'll start trying again.

609

That's okay.

610

Yeah.

611

So, yeah, because it's just, I knew the way I've heard you on social media

and stuff and the way you, you taught things and talked about things was, is

an easy way to understand even though you're not from the medical background.

612

Yeah, and people like, and it's so funny 'cause I asked

the anesthesiologist like, oh, what dose are you giving me?

613

Like nine.

614

He's like, oh no, I'm gonna give you 11.

615

I was like, are you in the medical field?

616

I'm like, no.

617

I just remember last time in like different things.

618

Yeah, yeah.

619

And so you're like well equipped with the knowledge you need and yeah,

the community's great, but you also have like your bonus classes in there

with other professionals and so Yeah, no, have I gone through all of them?

620

No.

621

Oh, there's so many.

622

Yeah, but there's like, there's so many Yeah.

623

Good key ones.

624

Mm-hmm.

625

That I've watched like a couple times 'cause I'm like, yeah, wait, I need this.

626

And so yeah, I need to figure this one out.

627

And so, yeah, it, it's a nice resource too for that.

628

Trish: Yeah, what what Jennifer's talking about is inside of Call Mama Society.

629

So some of you guys know that if you join my classes,

you also get 30 days free inside of Call Mama Society.

630

And one thing that we've done recently is we've combined, so now we're just.

631

It's the calm birth bundle and they get the VBAC lab, they get the

belly birth class, and they get calm labor, confident birth class.

632

So that way, God forbid you are going for a vaginal birth and

there's a legit reason for a C-section, and you find out maybe baby's

breach or something's going on, that you have to have a C-section.

633

You've got the belly birth class.

634

Or one of my mom's going through calm labor, competent birth, ends up having a C-section.

635

She's got the VBAC lab ready to go and we just felt like that would be

just a great way to like kind of package it so that they get everything.

636

So anyway, thank you so much for coming and thank you for being part of our community.

637

We just adore you and we're so happy you're here.

638

Thank you again.

639

Speaker 2: I hope you guys enjoyed this episode, and what I love

most about this conversation is that it shows the full picture.

640

Yes, preparing for VBAC takes knowledge, tools, and confidence, but it doesn't stop there.

641

Becoming a mom of two brings a whole news.

642

Set of challenges.

643

So we kind of mismatched this, uh, conversation, but I wanted you

guys to hear how she navigated both the birth and the transition

and reminding you that none of this has to be done alone.

644

Because her story, Jennifer's story is proof that when you invest in yourself, you

surround yourself with the right support and you get equipped with the right tools.

645

You not only change your birth.

646

You change how you step into motherhood no matter what stage you're at.

647

So if her journey resonated with you, I want to invite you into the

same spaces that supported her as you heard in our conversation.

648

If you join us, you can join our calm labor birth bundle, and you're gonna get

the whole Kit, kitten Caboodle, calm Labor Confident Birth Course, the VBAC Lab.

649

You'll also get the Belly Birth Masterclass and you'll get my brand new calm labor birth.

650

Pod, which is a podcast style birth class.

651

And right now we're also doing a special where you'll get my companion class bundle,

which is our newborn academy, our postpartum recovery, and the birth coach class.

652

So you're gonna get everything in one swoop.

653

You'll also get 30 days free in Calm Mama Society, which is our community that's gonna

walk you through pregnancy up to two years postpartum because we know you deserve to

feel calm, prepared, and supported no matter how many little ones you're juggling.

654

And we just adore you guys.

655

We love you.

656

As always, hit subscribe.

657

Leave a review and I'll see you again next week.

658

Bye for now.