Controlling your mom anger can be seriously the hardest thing you master as a momma. I have struggled for years to find a balance and to not react to my kids.
These little stinkers can set you off like no other, I mean right? Come on, you know it.
So my therapist, yes I have one and I'm proud of it, suggested I begin to recognize the beginning of the escalation. You know that moment when you are like oh sh..t I am going to hurt someone. She suggested at that moment I stop and take a time out. But who the heck can look at a four-year-old and explain she needs a time out.
“Sorry, Greyson, wipe your own damn butt, Mommy needs a moment”.
Not that taking time out doesn't work with your older children. It does! I have mentioned before that I am pretty sure that a preteen girl is the devil's spawn. Sometimes, you must.walk.away.
So, I liked her thoughts and figured I needed some practical ways to stop freaking out on my kids. Hence a few ideas and a practical way to control your mom anger.
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Why I am here and who I am:
Hey mama, I am Trish— AKA Labor Nurse Mama. I am a labor and delivery nurse with over 15 years of high-risk OB experience. I am also a mama to 7 kids and have given birth to 6. This means I am quite familiar with the postpartum period and how to navigate it. I am the online birth class educator for Calm Labor Confident Birth and The VBAC Lab birth classes and the mama expert inside our Calm Mama Society, a pregnancy & postpartum membership community! I am passionate about your birth and motherhood journey! You can find me over on IG teaching over 230k mamas daily. I am passionate about your birth and motherhood journey!
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Related Post: Setting Mom Goals
Don't Overschedule Yourself
I learned this the hard way. The more you schedule the more you have unrealistic demands on yourself and your children.
The more you schedule you will also be more hurried and rushing your children. We all know that rushed children are seriously stressed children. Stressed children….well you know what that does to their mother!
Learn to say no and space your schedule out. This will help you tremendously. This leads me to the next which is actually also part of this tip as well. Learn to set firm boundaries.
I am preaching to the choir here because I am currently taking a boundaries class. But we all need healthy boundaries. I am learning that my mental health depends on knowing what belongs to me and what belongs to you. I don't need to tamper and neither do you.
Healthy boundaries make for a more patient and controlled momma.
Remember that a boundary is only as good as you enforce it. If you set a boundary and then waver it's not a boundary at all.
Ok, Maybe dancing isn't a way for you to discharge unspent energy but some type of movement is. Any kind of movement, get moving girl and release the negative energy.
You can talk a walk (if you can leave the kids) or you can do this.
“DANCE PARTY” Turn up the music and dance with your babies. Laugh and yell together.
Getting outside can do wonders for both you and your kids. Create a game of it. Maybe send everyone on a mini nature hunt. Look for leaves and bugs, or butterflies and flowers.
Try this practical way to control your mom anger
Have you heard of the 5 hair ties to control your mom anger with your kids? I hadn't either until I read this awesome article by Happy You Happy Family.
Here's the low down:
Visual Cues to break a bad habit works. It truly does. Like a checklist that you can mentally and physically tick it off the list.
First thing in the morning, you put on 5 hair ties onto your right wrist. The goal is to keep them on your right wrist. So when your kids are in bed, you still have all five in the same spot.
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How do you keep them?
You don't lose it on the kids. You stay calm and don't freak out. No yelling or words which are spoken out of exasperation. No snapping at them!
Simple, right? HAHAHA!
What happens if you don't control your mom anger?
You move a hair tie to your left wrist. Remember the goal is to have 5 ties on the right wrist. So what the heck do you do now? You've messed up and yelled at little boo and lost a hair tie.
How to earn a Hair tie back and do Damage control!
If you lose a hair tie because you didn't control your mom anger and lost your stuff, you can earn it back. You have to purpose to have 5 positive interactions with your child to earn the tie back.
Studies have shown that you need 5 positive interactions to balance one negative interaction. So get going girl and earn that baby's trust back. Click here for a list of positive interactions to use when you lose it!
- Intentional Appreciation: For example, find something you appreciate about your child and tell them. “Greyson, you were so kind as to share your toy with Lani, you are always sharing so nicely!”
- Empathize and Say you are sorry. “Greyson, I know you were feeling sad about having to take a nap, mommy is so sorry I yelled at you.”
- Try being silly and make them laugh.
- Say I love you!
- Get down to her height and hug her.
- Go for a walk with him
- Get down and play, no phone zone!
- Make a meal together
- wrestle around together. (It's good for girls too!) Read this: The Art of Roughhousing. It explains the incredible benefits that result from roughhousing with kids.
I am feeling really good about my new goals of staying calm and sane. I hope these tips help you as well.
Comment below and share other ways you have found to keep your patience.