Birth Vibes vs. Birth Map – Is Jen Hamilton Right? | 269

If you have been on social media or the internet at all since May, you've seen two words everywhere: birth vibes.

Jen Hamilton's book hit number one on the New York Times bestseller list, and now

every birth account, every pregnancy influencer, every birth prep group is talking about it, And it's amazing.

And moms keep asking me, "Trish, what do you think?

Do you agree with her?

Is it a birth vibe versus birth plan?

Should I throw out my birth plan?" Here's my honest answer.

Jen Hamilton is right, but it's not the whole picture.

And today I'm gonna tell you exactly why and what you actually need to walk into that birth room ready.

Welcome to "The Birth Experience." I'm Trish.

Welcome to "The Birth Experience." I am a 16-year labor and delivery nurse, and I have been in a lot of births.

I care so deeply about the birth culture and about my mamas walking into labor feeling ready, not just feeling good, but actually knowing what they're walking into.

I read "Birth Vibes." It's amazing.

I love Jen Hamilton, and I want to have a real conversation about this because I believe the birth world needs both of these things, the vibes and the map, and I call a birth plan a map, just so you know.

And right now, a lot of moms are thinking, "I need one and not the other."

So let's talk about it

First of all, let's be fair to what Jen is actually saying because it's getting oversimplified out here.

Her concepts of birth vibes is not just feel good and it'll be fine.

That's not it.

What she's really talking about is knowing your values, your vision, and who you are as a person, so that when birth doesn't go the way you expected, you can adapt with confidence and calm instead of feeling blindsided and traumatized.

She's pushing back against the rigid birth plan checklist that says, " I want this, this, and that." And then when one thing changes, the mom feels like she failed, like her birth was taken away from her.

She's saying, what if instead of a checklist, you go in knowing what truly matters to you so you can make decisions from that place no matter what happens?

And this is such a beautiful, important concept, and this is what I've been saying for years.

It's a map.

It's not a plan, it's a map.

We want the destination, right?

We want to get to the exotic destination.

She's so right.

The mindset and the emotional preparation is so freaking important.

It matters so much, and I've seen the difference between a mom who walks in grounded in herself and a mom who walks in terrified, and it absolutely affects the birth.

So yes, I am with Jen on this.

The vibes are real.

But I also want you to hear this.

I want to add something to this conversation because this is where my other brain kicks in and I can't stay quiet.

Vibes without information is not very powerful.

It's like hoping, and hoping is beautiful.

Hope is necessary, but hope alone will not protect you in the delivery room.

So here's the thing that keeps me up at night as a former labor nurse and an online birth educator.

I have watched mama after mama walk into the hospital feeling empowered, feeling positive, great energy, beautiful mindset, and then when the moment comes to make a decision about an intervention or a medication or a procedure She really doesn't know what her options are.

She didn't know even in some cases that she had any, and so someone else makes the decision for her.

I say this all the time, if you don't know your birth options, you don't have any.

And I have seen that lack of understanding and information when it comes around that decision break a lot of moms, not because their birth was hard, but because they felt like they didn't have a voice in it.

And if you know my story, that is exactly what happened to me in my first birth.

And then when I saw that repeated over the course of my 16-year career, I stepped aside from bedside to do what I do now, because you cannot advocate for yourself if you don't know what you're advocating for.

If you don't know your options, you don't have any.

So here's where I'm gonna lean into why I call it a birth map, and there is a difference

The reason I don't call it a birth plan and why I call it a birth map is because a birth plan sounds like a checklist of demands.

I agree with Jen on this.

I want delayed cord clamping.

I don't want an episiotomy.

I want the lights dim.

And yes, those things can go on your birth map.

But a birth plan without the why behind each thing, without really actually understanding what those interventions are, why they're offered, and what your real alternatives are, that's just a piece of paper with a list on it.

A nurse might glance at it, set it aside.

We've all heard the negative stories, and I've seen them myself.

But the real power, the real power behind your birth map is you, you knowing why you put those things on there.

And a birth map means you walk into the hospital knowing, " Here's what I prefer.

Here's why I prefer it.

Here's what I'll ask if someone suggests otherwise, "and here's what I'm willing to be flexible on." It means you've done the work to understand your body and your options, what's happening in the hospital, what's happening around you, not just how you feel about it.

And that's the difference.

The birth map holds both the vibes and the knowledge, and knowledge is power only if you can apply it.

You need both, not one or the other.

So I wanna be really clear.

I'm not saying Jen Hamilton is wrong at all and I'm right.

What I'm saying is that she built a foundation for this house, and I want you to build the walls.

Bring your birth vibes.

Girl, bring your birth vibes.

There's nothing better than a good birth vibed room, right?

Know your values.

Know who you are.

Go in adaptable and grounded.

That is truly everything.

But also know why we do what we do.

Know what Pitocin does.

Know what your options are if labor stalls.

Know whether you can decline a 24-hour IV antibiotic.

Know what continuous fetal monitoring means for your ability to move.

Know what it means if someone says, "We might need to talk about a C-section," and what questions do you ask.

Vibes will keep you calm when things get hard, and I say this all the time, 90% of your birth is your mindset, but information is what keeps your vibes from freaking the freak out.

You need both.

So I wanna tell you something that I built specifically for this, and we built this years ago, and we've tweaked it over time as things have changed and what you're facing changes.

But we have something called our Birth Mastery Workshop.

It's $27, y'all, $27 for a full walkthrough of your birth options, what they are, why they matter.

We even talk about the vibes, and we talk about the setting and why that matters.

We talk about your alternatives, and you come out with your own birth map built around your actual preferences and values.

And can I say that we hired an artist to create the visual aspect?

So if you wanna do a visual birth plan, a written, doesn't matter.

But here's what makes it different.

Inside the workshop, you also get access to a chat feature.

You can literally talk to me, Nurse Trish, 24/7 about any part of your birth prep.

I do ask that you watch the workshop first, and we can create it together.

Any questions that come up at 2, 2 AM when you're reading through your discharge papers, you're panicking when you think you might be in labor and you're not sure, like, what options you have, you can bring it in and we work through it together in that chat.

And what does that mean for you?

Like, what are your options?

What should I ask my doctor?

What should I write when it comes to my medication plan?

And all of this is not because I want you to be, like, all freaked out about it, but I want you to walk into the hospital as someone who can say, " Wait a minute.

What are my other options here?" And mean it, and be able to walk through that.

Birth vibes get you into the right headspace, but birth mastery gets you the information to back it up.

And we've got a link in the show notes Now, one thing I wanna just like talk about right now about Jen Hamilton, I wanna take a second and say something personal, which I've not been allowed to talk about for a long time, and I'm gonna go deeper on this with you guys at some point.

Some of you who are inside my world already know this.

I have so much love and respect for her, even though I've never met her.

What she's doing for the birth culture, the conversation she's starting, the mamas she's reaching, the authenticity, and the way that she's changing how people think about birth, it matters.

It genuinely matters, and I'm so grateful that we have people like her, like me, like some of my clients, and some of the women I know and love in this space fighting for moms.

And I also know that right now she's going through something extremely personal that is incredibly painful,

I'm just gonna tell y'all, it was awful, and I will share this story with you at some point.

I know what it's like to be doing your most public, most visible work while privately dealing with something that feels impossible to overcome when you're in court all day and you're fighting and dealing with someone who is supposed to love you and be by your side and celebrate with you, has hurt you.

And it's hard, and it's not impossible.

And to you, Jen, if you ever see this, my prayers are with you.

We are all rooting for you.

Thank you for what you're doing for birth, even while you're carrying something so heavy.

That kind of courage, that is a freaking vibe, too.

So I just wanted to say that to you, girl.

If you are in the thick of birth prep right now, if you're trying to figure out what you actually want and what you actually need to know, read "Birth Vibes." We'll link to it in the show note, but also come to Birth Mastery, get the information to back it up.

You can use it for every baby here on out.

You'll get a template that's reusable.

The link is below.

It's $27.

It's the most useful $27 you're gonna spend before your birth day.

And if this episode helped you think about anything differently, share it with a pregnant friend.

Write a review.

It means so much to me.

I know I say this every week, but please take a second and write a review.

Someone in your circle needs to hear this and hear that it's a combination of vibes and a map.

It's vibes and a birth map.

As always, I adore you.

Each and every one of you are so important to me.

Your birth is so important to me, and I'll see you again next Friday.

Bye for now.