First time Mom over forty? Or are you like me a mom to budding adults and then guess what? We are having a baby.
Either way, if you are pregnant, then you are full of many emotions. You are quite possibly feeling like crap and wondering why you let this happen so late in life. Maybe you didn't want to be pregnant, but hey, now you are. Planned or unplanned, this baby is a blessing, and you better get your mind on board, cause girl your life is about to change course.
Why I am here and who I am:
Hey mama, I am Trish— AKA Labor Nurse Mama. I am a labor and delivery nurse with over 15 years of high-risk OB experience. I am also a mama to 7 kids and have given birth to 6. This means I am quite familiar with the postpartum period and how to navigate it. I am the online birth class educator for Calm Labor Confident Birth and The VBAC Lab birth classes and the mama expert inside our Calm Mama Society a pregnancy & postpartum membership community! I am passionate about your birth and motherhood journey! You can find me over on IG teaching over 230k mamas daily. I am passionate about your birth and motherhood journey!
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I had Greyson at 42 and let me say the two years before my pregnancy was a literal nightmare. When I got pregnant with my older children, I was a lot younger, and it took no effort at all. I got pregnant just by thinking about it. Fast forward to my 40's, and it wasn't exactly easy.
Related Post: Early Pregnancy Signs!
We got pregnant and immediately lost the baby. To say we were heartbroken, would be an understatement. We decided to try again, and once again I lost the baby. After the third loss, I realized that my heart and my brain, could not do it again. We stopped trying, and I left for California for an eight-week travel assignment. Mike came to visit me a few weeks later and left behind a teeny tiny present we eventually named Greyson. Hence, why I can share my thoughts on being a mom over forty.
Here are a few things I've learned about being a mom over forty!
Get used to Name Calling
You will be labeled in your Prenatal Record and at OB visits
Mom's over forty get called some choice names. Names that make your hormonal self-desire to throat punch someone.
Otherwise known as Advanced Maternal Age.
Seriously, who decided that calling a hormonal pregnant woman geriatric was acceptable? Don't forget that unlike our younger counterparts we can afford nicer maternity clothes. The perks to being an older mom are endless….bahaha.
Genetic testing is appreciated
I was pretty thrilled to be able to do the Harmony test. When we did it, the test was very pricey but so worth it.
My thought was I would rather know ahead of time to give us time to prepare. We did the Harmony blood test and had the results so early. At that point, I was still checking my undies for blood every time I peed and the results gave me enough peace to quit.
Types of early genetic testing for a mom over forty:
- Harmony Test
- Panorama Test
Related Post: Prenatal Genetic Screening Tests
Expect High-Risk Pregnancy Testing
You will be considered high risk along with all the other labels you will wear. So be prepared for a lot of doctor visits and most likely you will see a Maternal-Fetal Medicine (MFM), Doctor. Which means double the amount of visits compared to the younger version of you.
Related post: Check out this post describing all the testing you should expect.
Everyone everywhere will let you know their thoughts, ask you personal questions, and give you advice
Same concept as when you have seven kids. Everyone tells you exactly what they think about your life and the choices you've made.
“You're going to be sixty when your child graduates.”
“What if you die before he has kids?”
“People will think you are the grandma.”
So, yes I will be sixty when Greyson graduates from high school, but if you think I didn't already consider that, then you are ignorant. Does it scare me a little to be an older mom and do the math? Yes, it does, but Greyson is worth the age gap. IS there a chance I could die before he gets married and has kids? Yes, there is a chance, but there is also a chance I die before some of my other kids have kids.
I haven't had the grandma comment too much. A few times and it was shocking as I am used to being told I look so young to have my older kids. So it's a bit of a turn of the tables for me. I think I worry about that one more than I should. Maybe I am vain or something; I don't know.
Plan to get used to people asking you how you got pregnant. Like it's their business or something. I'm an open book, so I usually tell them that we got naked and had crazy sex because we had been apart for weeks. Then they look shocked that I would say that and usually shut the hell up. They are fishing for IVF or something, because they don't think your old eggs can do the trick. Either way, it's rude if you are not at least close friends.
You will be more conscious of your health
I find myself more aware of taking care of myself. When I was twenty-three and had little ones, I didn't think about what I put in this body of mine. Now, I find myself a little more aware of my health. I want to be around for Greyson. Therefore, I am more likely to do my check-ups and listen to health advice. I also am very dedicated to taking my vitamins and supplements.
I'm including what I take as I have done some research into what a mom over forty should be taking.
You won't have energy, but you will have life experience
A mom over forty may not have the energy of a younger woman, and that is ok. What you lack in energy you will make up for in life experience and knowledge. The things that bothered me as a younger mom do not bother me now. I now know how fast life goes and how it can change at any many due to circumstances. (read the story of how my life took a drastic turn when I was 15 weeks pregnant with Greyson)
Having a baby over forty is both exhausting and exhilarating. The addition of Greyson to my life has been the best gift God could have given me. Knowing all the blessings I know now about being a mom over forty, I would choose to have Greyson over and over again. Greyson is the light in my life, and he brings joy to everyone he meets. If God wants for me to be gone before Greyson has his kids, well that's okay, because the world is better off having Greyson in it.
Check out these other moms over forty who have documented their experiences!
Reflections of Light at the End of the Tunnel
11 Delightful Gifts of Being of An Older Mom
Rocking as The Geriatric Pregnancy
As always, I would love to hear your stories. Please comment and share. Let's grow together.
Just a little Disclaimer: As always, I am just writing my thoughts and what I’ve learned along the way. Although I am a labor and delivery RN, This is not medical advice. You should always seek and follow the advice of your care provider.