Today I am chatting with a new mama who found me at the end of her second pregnancy. Ronnie is married to her high school sweetheart and mama to a son and a daughter.

Ronnie had a traumatic cesarean in 2020, leading her to seek a VBAC birth when she was pregnant again.

Ronnie sent me this lovely email, “You were the only birth-related blogger/podcaster that didn’t make me feel ashamed for being so uneducated about and traumatized by my first birth. I felt so broken after my traumatic c-section. I thought my body was a failure, I was weak, and my babies were just too big. Then…you. You and my (new) very supportive doctor gave me the confidence to jump in head first and pursue a VBAC. Thank you. I feel whole again. I found you, and you gave me the confidence I needed to push through! I had a very redemptive VBAC last November…and I feel like a new woman!”

We chatted about her VBAC birth experience and how she was surprised that her bond with the baby didn't happen off the bat. Mama, this is normal and doesn't mean you are a bad mom.

When you first bring your newborn home, it can be hard to figure out what to do. Here are some tips to help you and your new baby bond more easily.

It's normal to feel like you're not bonding with your newborn.

You're exhausted, and it can feel like your baby is just an extra thing you have to care for in addition to your other responsibilities. The most important thing you can do is give them a safe environment, so they feel secure and loved.

Make sure that you and your partner have time together with the baby. This will help you feel connected to each other and ensure everyone meets their needs.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s important to remember that this is a big change for everyone—for you, your partner, and your family members—and there are many ways people can get support when they need it.

If something isn’t working for you or someone else, don’t hesitate to reach out!

Here are some tips and tricks to help you overcome the initial hurdles and enjoy this incredible experience.

1. Take time for yourself.

It's crucial that you set aside time for yourself so that you can recharge your batteries and come back to parenting with a fresh perspective.

2. Have realistic expectations about what kind of parent you will be.

Don't expect to be perfect at first—or ever! You won't have all the answers, and it's okay not to know exactly what you're doing. If your baby is safe and healthy, everything else will eventually fall into place!

3. Accept help from others when it's offered (and don't feel guilty about taking advantage).

Accept offers of help when your friends and family suggest them–especially when you are so tired that you feel you can't do anything right. People who know you well will not be offended if you ask them to hold your baby while you shower or if they take the baby while you go to the store for diapers. People who love you want to help, and this is an excellent opportunity for all of you to get to know each other better!

Finding Help During Postpartum

To find a therapist or information for

For a supportive mama community, join LNM Pregnancy and Postpartum Membership: Calm Mama Society


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For more pregnancy & birth education, subscribe to The Birth Experience on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Next Steps with LNM:

If you are ready to invest in your pregnancy & postpartum journey, you are in the right place. I would love to take your hand and support you in your virtual labor room!

If you are ready to dive into a birth class and have your best and most powerful birth story, then Calm Labor Confident Birth or The VBAC Lab is your next step.

If you have a scheduled cesarean, take our Belly Birth Masterclass and own that experience.

If you are a newly pregnant mama or just had the babe, you want to join our private pregnancy and postpartum membership, Calm Mama Society.

Remember, my advice is not medical advice. Always discuss what you learn with your team. See my Disclaimer here! Also, We make a small commission from some of the links (you don’t pay any more for using our links); however some of the recommendations, we do not earn anything; we love ’em and want you to know about them.