Preparing For the First 48 After Baby: Mother Baby Nurse Jessica

Trish: [00:00:00] My name is Trish Ware and I am obsessed with all things pregnancy and birth and helping you to navigate with the practical and the magical seasons of this journey called motherhood. I'm an all day coffee sipping mama of seven. I've had the amazing privilege of delivering many babies. In my 15 plus year career as a labor and delivery nurse and as a mama of seven, I'm here to help you take the guesswork out of childbirth so you can make the choices that are right for you and your baby. 


Quick note, this podcast is for educational purposes only and does not replace your medical advice. Check out our full disclaimer at the bottom of the show notes. 


Welcome to The Birth Experience, you guys. I am excited about today's episode. I have a [00:01:00] really interesting guest. I have Jessica from Mother Baby Nurse Jessica. She is a mother baby nurse, obviously, which is so much fun because in my career, we work hand in hand. So welcome, Jessica. 


Jessica: Thanks so much for having me. 


Trish: I am so excited to have you here because I feel like we complement each other so well because when I take care of my labor patients, obviously I hand them off to you. So we're going to be chatting about your favorite routine that you recommend to your mamas when they're leaving the hospital with their brand new little human. 


So that's 


Jessica: exciting. For sure. Yeah. I think everyone, thinks, what is this like ideal pattern that I can get in? And I don't like the phrase, like a routine for a newborn because that's not realistic for little babies, but there is a way that can optimize the mom's pain help her get more sleep. 


Can help baby feed [00:02:00] better and hopefully everyone get a nap afterwards. And whenever I share about it on social media, I constantly have parents tell me, where was this two years ago when I had my baby? And so it is my favorite thing to tell parents usually when they first come over from labor and delivery to postpartum, cause it's something you can use inside of the hospital 


Trish: as well. 


Oh, I'm so excited to hear that. And then I want to ask you some fun questions because we were talking before we started that I get floated to postpartum and some of the funniest questions that I've been asked as a nurse have been. In postpartum. I don't know if it, I don't know if it's sleep deprivation or what, but I'm, I want to ask you a few questions. 


So anyway, first I want to ask you about your own birth journey and also your career to becoming a mother baby nurse, because I don't know if you've heard my story, But I went [00:03:00] to nursing school to be a labor nurse, like not to be a nurse. I don't like dealing with sickness or ulcers or any of that stuff. 


If I get called down to the ER to get a patient, like I'm putting on a hazmat suit, like I've got, I'm suited up going down there. I don't want to deal with that, so I'm just interested in your motherhood journey and then your journey to becoming a mother, baby nurse. 


Jessica: Yeah I had my daughter three and a half years ago now and funny enough, I originally was going through a birthing hospital and said like a birthing center instead of a conventional hospital. 


I worked on a military post and because I'm not military, I couldn't deliver there. And so I wanted to do very low interventions. I had. No risk factors, so there was no reason medically I couldn't do it, but my daughter decided she wanted to do a lot of practice labor, and we had pedermal labor [00:04:00] off and on for three weeks before she came, and then I was in labor for 50 hours before we had a C section, and she wasn't in any kind of distress, she just wasn't having accelerations, and it was that time that. 


It was just a matter of time until we started having that snowball effect of everything. And so she was born after 50 hours of laboring and she was fine. No kind of like crazy issues. She almost got a NICU stay, but I knew what kind of questions to ask. And I was really able to advocate for her. 


And she ended up just going like skin to skin with me was totally fine. And we went home. Before 36 hours postpartum. So nothing too exciting to write home about by the time it was all said and done, but a lot of learning to roll with things learning how to be a mom and really advocate for your daughter. 


And kind of the thing that brought me into social media side [00:05:00] of things of thinking, man, if parents just, they don't know what they don't know. And if they knew to ask these questions and how to advocate and things like that. And so she was that big, like turning point 


Trish: for me. So what brought you into being a mother baby nurse? 


Jessica: So I became a mother baby nurse very early on. I was less than a year into nursing, but I knew that I wanted to work with babies. I remember going and seeing my cousins in the hospital and it wasn't so much the labor side that interests me. It was really the baby side of it and seeing This new person also evolved. 


I love this saying, not only was a baby born, but so was a mom. And I think it's so true. You just see this person like evolve into something different and you see this new life come into the world. And that's really it drew me in pretty early on of being a nurse of wanting to do that. 


And then just eventually getting to that point where I was able to. And now I traveled nurse around [00:06:00] America to different hospitals for about 13 weeks at a time. And I traveled to different mother baby. So if anyone doesn't know what that is, that's like the postpartum after you have your baby and the baby's nurse. 


I also do what they call like catching babies or transition. So where I'm the nurse that takes care of your baby the moment that they're born and then I also work in NICUs. So I handle a lot of the sick babies and see how things can go from good to not so good and what kind of interventions. Really fast. 


Yeah. I say all the time babies compensate really well until they don't and when they don't they Really don't. They're tired. They worked very hard to not show their true colors. 


Trish: And they're little boogers. So I'm completely opposite of you, and it's so funny because I have seven kids. I love being pregnant. 


I love birth. I knew labor was my thing, but I love the labor part, the birth part, the pregnant mama part, all of that. I hate the babies. And [00:07:00] those of you who just those of you who just went, Oh, and covered your mouth. I really love babies. But the problem with them is they can't tell you what's up. 


They don't tell you. And so they are just little boogers. And so I like to pass them to Jessica, pass them on, let her handle that. No problem. And it, but it's funny because my world into postpartum has been very limited. I keep them for two hours and then they go to you unless they have, some crisis and come back to me. 


But other than that, I have not spent a significant time with mamas until we opened up our postpartum membership. And so my whole view as a labor nurse has just changed somewhat, but still the babies, just their little stinkers. I'm not up for it. 


Jessica: If anyone to did like when she said that it's. 


I almost like 95% of labor and delivery [00:08:00] nurses feel the exact same way. And even going to like LDR piece, I'm like I know a lot about laboring, but I've never labored a patient. I've taken a lot of the classes know a lot. And I'm like, but I can take all the babies. And they're like, Oh, you're take all the children. 


Yes. You're hired. You will do that. They tell you very subtle signs that are sometimes hard to pick up, and you don't know until 


Trish: sometimes. Oh, I love when I have to re cert for like ACLS or whatever, and there's mother baby nurses or NICU nurses in there with me to do the skills part. I'm like, you got this. 


Yeah. You do it. I'll take care of mom. I've got it. No problem. I love that so much. And I love that especially nurses who are in OB or maternity. I feel like a lot of us, And those of us who know, those of who should not be in this line of work, but those of us who should be, have a calling like that landed on us. 


Jessica: I think so for sure. There's something that like turned inside [00:09:00] of us that was just really drawn to this and really wanting to do this and no matter what kind of obstacles were put in our way, it was still the path that we were going to take to get there. 


Trish: Yeah, and I love that you're a travel nurse because I was a travel nurse the majority of my career and that I miss so much. 


I love it. 


Jessica: It's so different everywhere you go to and even though the fundamentals of nursing is the same even the like I don't know, the environment's different, the culture in different places like I'm getting ready to go back up to Fargo, North Dakota, and I was just in West Palm Beach, Florida, and the culture is just so different, even though it's the same practices, it's just, you learn so much as you 


Trish: go. 


Yeah. And there's always I tell my girls inside my membership all the time some of the most unique skills that I have with babies and breastfeeding came from postpartum mother baby nurses that have [00:10:00] been doing it since the dawn of time. They've done nothing else and they have learned all the tricks in the world. 


Yeah. You have to. Amazing things that like, when I, went in I was pregnant with Lainey, who's number six, mind you, when I graduated. So she's she's 17. She is like my career, like I can measure it by her age. And I went in there I got this. I've had all these babies. I've breastfed most of my life. 


And I was humbled very quickly by what I didn't know. And this. She was actually an LPN and she we were in LDRP, a labor room, for those of you guys who don't know, that's where you do it all. Like you labor, you deliver, you recover, postpartum, all in one room. And so she trained me on the postpartum side of it and I learned so much from her. 


So many tricks and this was before Instagram, before all the little tricks were [00:11:00] out there and she taught me so much. In fact, I still swaddle like she swaddled, which is like a totally different way than anyone I've ever seen swaddle. And it's so funny how much these older, old school, that didn't do all the stuff we've done. 


But they just learn from experience and they know so much. Okay. So we need to dive into the topic. So let's go into your routine that you teach your mamas. 


Jessica: Yeah. So when I have parents come over to the postpartum side and I tell them what to expect in the room, the routine that I tell them is you have to feed your baby depending on how you're feeding every two to four hours. 


It's really on demand, but most babies, newborns feed every two to four hours. So that's how often you're going to do this. So whether it's your baby stirring around, or it's been four hours and you feel like you need to, whichever one, you get up as the mom and you go pee. Because as sometimes postpartum you can't tell that you have to [00:12:00] pee. 


It sounds really silly for anyone who hasn't experienced it. No, you've got a lot going on down there. You have a lot going on down there. And sometimes I'll rub on someone's belly and I'll be like, ooh, you really need to pee. And they say no, I don't. I'm like, Just go sit on the toilet and just see. 


Yeah. And sure enough, they like fill up the toilet, right? And get up to the bathroom, go pee, change everything down there, get freshened up. This is also really helpful because if you're breastfeeding. It releases hormones that makes your uterus contract. And as your bladder fills up, it starts pushing on your uterus and it can cause a lot of pain and bleeding postpartum. 


So if you go pee before you breastfeed, this can really help with that pain and like excessive bleeding issues that may happen. So get up to the bathroom. change everything down there. And then either while you're getting situated in the bed to bottle feed or breastfeed, whatever you guys are doing your spouse can change your baby's diaper at this time or whoever your support person is, or you can change [00:13:00] however the process looks for you guys. 


That meconium poop, that black, sticky, tarry looking stuff baby's first poop. While it looks really gross, it doesn't actually have a smell, so sometimes people don't even realize that their baby's diaper needs to be changed until they go and look, and the meconium sticks really fast, so if you change it, you're preventing excessive stickiness happening. 


A little tip with if the meconium is really sticky, you take a little bit of baby soap on the baby wipe and just gently rub and it'll come off. So you go ahead and you change your baby's diaper. This also really wakes them up because babies sometimes in those early days, it's hard to wake them up to feed. 


Even if they're stirring around and they're acting awake, this can really wake them up to feed. And so you go ahead and you change their diaper, get them ready to feed. Feed baby and then hopefully everybody gets a nap after that and that will [00:14:00] set you up for a good two to four hour After that will set you up for a good two to four hour nap after doing this and so you just do this Continuously, and it's really the best way to prevent pain to help your baby Wake up to eat better and for everyone to get a better nap 


Trish: I love that so much and I love that you're mentioning that the breastfeeding will contract the uterus, but also for you guys, this is great because when you're laying down, that blood will pool in your vagina and in the vaginal vault. 


So then if you get up and you go to the bathroom, you're going to get all that out. And it's so good for your mindset and your mental health because when you go in and it feels amazing So your bottom hurts you might have hemorrhoids which are the devil And you can do all of that get clean you feel refreshed And then you come back and you can sit down and do the breastfeeding. 


I love that. That's 


Jessica: great Yeah, and if you have somebody who's there in the room with [00:15:00] you, you can if baby starts waking up. That's a Great cue to be like, you start on baby, I'll start on me. And that way you guys can both take care and tag team it out. And sometimes I think support people don't know how to help. 


And this is a good way for them to learn how to help you. You do this while I do this. And it's already teamwork from those very early days coming 


Trish: in. Oh, I love that so much. We have something that inside of the birth coach class for them to help mom through postpartum. You and I both know it is true, like a lot of partners just really don't know what to do. 


Yeah. A lot of times they just don't do. Yes. They don't know what to do. They don't want to 


Jessica: mess up. 


Trish: Yeah. Yeah. And that's a whole nother thing for those moms listening. One of the workshops, we do weekly workshops in the membership and one of the ones we did that was so powerful is accepting imperfect help. 


So if he's doing it and he's putting the [00:16:00] diaper on wonky or backwards or whatever, it's okay. It's all right. And I had a guest the other day on and he teaches dads. He's a postpartum doula, which was pretty amazing. And he was saying that there's nothing like getting pooped on to learn how to put the diaper on right. 


Yeah. So if your partner is not doing the diaper properly, he's going to learn, but learning to accept. How they do it builds their confidence and it gets you more help. For sure. Because when we nitpick people who are helping us with our babies, and if you don't understand what I'm saying, trust me, as a mother, you have this thing inside of you that tells you only you do it right with your baby. 


And it's really hard to shut her up, super, super hard to shut her up. So if you can control that and let the people around you just do it wrong, as long as it's safe, no problem, you'll get [00:17:00] more help. That was my little 


Jessica: interjection. And I always say too, when they, when everyone first come over to postpartum, usually we do an assessment on a baby at this time and we have to get the baby undressed and we almost always change the diaper and. 


Because it usually needs it. And this is always a great time that I ask the spouse, the support person, whether that's your mom, your husband, whoever this person is to you, have you changed a diaper yet? Would you like to come over here and do this with me? That way they're getting shown how to do it. And even if moms may wait, may feel better to her, they still are learning how to do something that is going to be helpful regardless. 


Trish: Oh, I love that. That's great. And then, you're not assuming they don't know, you're just checking in. Yeah. Because a lot of people, that's the first time they're around a newborn. For sure. Because most people don't volunteer to touch or help with other people's newborns. 


Jessica: And most moms don't want you to. 


A double edged [00:18:00] sword. 


Trish: Yeah. Unless you're people like us, that probably would have. But. Yeah. Okay. What's next? 


Jessica: So that's usually what I tell people for a great routine inside of the hospital and for even going home, like it's so helpful to have just those little simple things that you're able to do. 


And as you have that simple routine, you get to learn yourself, you get to learn your baby, and you will get to figure things out. About the time you figure out. You think you know it as a parent, life changes and you don't, and it humbles you every step of the way. But you're meant to be your baby's mom and spouse and it all works out like regardless. 


Trish: I agree. And it, and every time you think you have it figured out and have another baby, that baby throws a loop, then you're like, thought I knew how to do this. Okay, so what do you tell them when they go home? Do you have some tips that you give them for a home survival? 


Jessica: So some of the things that is really helpful [00:19:00] for going home wise is I love the concept of having a mill train. 


So this is. One of those things that people sign up to bring you meals or to have meals delivered or whatever that may look like for you guys. And so a meal train, somebody sets up and people like sign up for it. It's a list, a train that they have. And. People ask all the time. How can I help you with the baby? 


How can I help do this and that? I'm like, this is a way that they can help you have someone set that up. Going home, just not sometimes people get in this thought. I have to have everything perfect. I need to have this and this. And you really don't have a little stockpile in the bathroom for you. 


That's easily accessible. Have. babies, diapers and wipes close to you and really just chill out. Take it easy. The house can wait. If people are coming over, they better be bringing snacks and not opinions. And, 


Trish: And help and practical help. They're not coming to just snuggle and stare at the baby. 


They're coming to help 


Jessica: you. For [00:20:00] sure. Yes. And I always jokingly say, if you're coming to visit someone, rather that's in the hospital going home, if they're allowing you to come into your home or you're allowing them, they should also be bringing something that's going to be helpful for you guys. And if anyone's listening to this and they're not a parent, or maybe they're listening just to learn, like, how can I help my friend coming in and not just asking about the baby because everyone worries about the baby. 


No one really worries about the mom. Postpartum, they're Oh, she's fine. Like she had her baby. She's fine, but there's a huge, like hormone shift happening. A lot just happened to this woman. And so really taking the time and like focusing on her as well. 


Trish: Yeah, and not just accepting. Oh, I'm fine. 


Yeah Dig a little and if she starts crying just sit there. You don't have to fix it. Sometimes they just need to be heard Yeah, I love that so we you know, we really focus on I don't know if you've heard of the five five five Postpartum rule, [00:21:00] we really, I really love that. And for those of you guys listening, it's five days in the bed, five days on the bed and five days near the bed. 


And what I like about that is it gives the mom permission to just rest and do nothing. Because like you said, all that stuff can wait. All of it can wait. 


Jessica: Yeah, and I love the thought of Inside of your uterus There's this gaping wound where your placenta just was and if we were to ever see this like plate sized Wound on the outside of someone's body. 


We would say rest take it easy Don't do all these things, but we can't see it on a woman and we think oh, you're fine You the house can be cleaned. You can make a meal. It'll all be okay and It's if you get, just give her time to rest, she will be so much better off in the long run, both like mentally and 


Trish: physically. 


Yeah, and what I recommend If you're like me and you're listening, I have a very hard time settling down and being at rest [00:22:00] if my environment is chaotic, so creating a little zen spot for your recovery prior to the baby coming, where there's not a lot of clutter, there's not a lot of things. So if that's your bedroom, set it up to where you can have the stuff you need on a cart or something that wheels in and out that your partner can take it out, fill up your supplies, bring it back to you. 


This is not where someone needs to be piling up laundry or all the things that you can this, visually see the needs. Okay. Outside the door, the laundry can build up, the dishes can build up. That's okay. But inside your little Zen compartment, you just need to heal. And for me I even, of course my brain does get outside the door as well, but I have to stop that mindset, but as long as, have some candles, have it like nice and calm and peaceful, because like you said, there's this [00:23:00] wound that needs to be healed, like mentally and physically. 


Jessica: I love that. Yeah, setting it up beforehand that really set you up for success. A lot of people think about the like frozen meals that you can just throw in the crock pot. But instead of just thinking about that, like thinking about your mental health in that room. I love that. 


Trish: Yeah, that's what we try to teach our girls. 


We have a whole process that we teach the girls inside of our postpartum course of setting up physically, mentally, nutritionally, all of the different aspects of healing and doing ahead of time. And especially for those of you guys listening, we recommend that you go ahead and you find out what it, so if you have insurance, find out what mental health coverage you have. 


for postpartum, go ahead and have all that information mapped out, have numbers available, have it all ready. Because if you find yourself having any kind of postpartum, mental health issues at all, it's very hard to take those steps needed [00:24:00] because you might start searching and then the baby's crying, your boobs are leaking, your butt's hurting, and then you're like, I'll do it later. 


Or you put it off and you put it off. And then you're not getting the help you need. So for sure, get it all done prior. 


Jessica: And even people, I think that surprises them with postpartum mental health things is they think, Oh, I've never had like depression, nothing ever crazy exciting has happened to me. Like it's not going to happen. 


And it's unfortunate that every single person who has a baby is at risk for like postpartum, any kind of mental health disorders. any kind of mental health disorders. And so just know going into it, you have a baby, that's your risk factor. It doesn't matter if you had the most boring, healthy life growing up, you are still at 


Trish: risk. 


And if you had the most and I'm saying this in quotes, picture perfect birth or pregnancy doesn't matter. No. It can it's, it is not choosy. It's not [00:25:00] picky. It will land on whoever it wants to land on. And that's part of, what has blown me away with this, the postpartum side of our membership, because. 


I've always done these weekly hangouts with my pregnant mamas because, birth is my passion and because I've gotten to know them so well, we opened up the postpartum side of it because we didn't wanna say goodbye to these mamas cuz we love them. Yeah. So much. And so we've started the postpartum hangout and it has been one of the. 


Powerful communities. I have ever been a part of and not just as the owner of this membership, but just as a woman. Yeah. Like it has been unbelievable. I just I have a community that we have an app and I just went live this morning. I usually go live a couple of times a week and I just hang out with my mamas and we chat. 


And we were talking about the very first postpartum hangout. We had moms that were days into postpartum to a year into postpartum, [00:26:00] and one of my moms who was farther in hers, I think she was like maybe seven months in, shared about intrusive thoughts, and it was so real, and some of the things she was saying It was the first time me as a mom, I had heard someone verbalize it the way she said it. 


And I realized I had gone through the exact same time. Now, mind you, most of my kids are adults, but in real life, you don't sit around with your mom friends and talk about how you had thoughts of throwing your baby down the stairs. Not that you're going to do it, but you thought it. And then you feel like the worst person in the universe and it's these moms are so stinking brave. 


And I have had so much healing myself that I just cannot, the most important thing you can do to prepare for your baby is to prepare for yourself after your 


Jessica: baby. Oh, yeah, that is [00:27:00] very true, and intrusive thoughts, too, is a big part of that, is actually your mind overcompensating, safety wise, and thinking these crazy things that would never happen, and this is the the next level of how to prevent something from happening. 


But you see it as you do it, almost. Yeah, for sure, yeah. And even just to I love the fact that it was someone who was older postpartum wise because most mental health disorders for postpartum actually peak around like four to six months postpartum. And that's like bananas to think about because most people in the United States anyway, they've gone back to work. 


They've gone out about their life six months. You're like starting solids for a lot of people. Like you would think that life is you're healed. Yeah. We're good. And most of the time you're so not good. Yeah. 


Trish: And thinking of this mom in particular she was back to work and she's also in therapy and she's also on [00:28:00] medication. 


And a lot of my moms, because of the transparency of these other moms, they are getting help that I don't know some of them would have gotten help, and so it's just been a really beautiful thing to be a part of and I'm just, I feel so grateful. Yeah. So grateful and as a mom, like just to hear some of the things that they have. 


spoken, I've just been blown 


Jessica: away. And I'm sure those other moms don't feel alone too. That's a big part of it. They realize that there's other people who are facing these same things that I'm facing and I'm not crazy. I'm not alone. It's not that something's wrong with me. There's not something wrong with my family. 


Like it's sad, but it's a normal part of postpartum that a lot of people experience. And now they're able to get that help because they don't feel alone and they don't feel as shameful about it. 


Trish: Yeah, and there's a lot of things that I think that because of our group, the way our group is structured, they feel safe where, sitting with your friend that you've known a long [00:29:00] time and saying I had these thoughts out loud takes a lot more courage and, We need to be able to do that, but it's not going to happen anytime soon. 


I both know that, and even to say that in your husband, like your husband may never understand those thoughts, and even being able to understand it yourself is like challenging. So I love that you said that it's explaining it. It's a flip side of being. 


Overworried about safety and harm and so yeah, anyway, that goes off on a whole nother tangent. So is there anything else that you really that you want to share with these moms as they are entering into their postpartum journey? 


Jessica: Into postpartum wise and stuff, I think it's just being, giving yourself more grace, like we get really hard on ourselves and it's one of the things I talk a lot about my book with just like the supportive side of it is you don't owe anybody a phone call, a picture. 


You don't owe [00:30:00] them any kind of explanation as of anything. Yeah. Like you're allowed to take whatever time that you need. You're allowed to give yourself whatever grace that you need. And just realize that I love the saying not only was a baby form, but so as a mom, like you're evolving into this person, like your brain physically changes when you go through postpartum and just realizing that you can give yourself whatever. 


You need, and that's what's doing best for both yourself and your baby. One of the things in my class that I had to take for going at a birthing center, they had us do all of labor and all of postpartum was she talked about doing one thing every day for you postpartum for me, that was taking a shower, but for other people that may be different, that may be reading a page in their book. 


Some moms like to do their hair and makeup postpartum getting out of their pajamas or. whatever doing something every single day for you is [00:31:00] super important to take care of yourself. And then you're able to take care of your baby. And sometimes as moms, we feel bad for that. We feel like we, we need to just focus on the baby, but you taking care of you helps you take care of 


Trish: the baby. 


Oh, I 100% agree with that. We tell the same thing to our mamas and when they're really struggling, we recommend and this is something that my husband Did with me because I had a really tough summer last summer and he was like, okay, and I've never experienced this because I've always been the type of person who's I'm going a thousand miles a minute. 


Like I've got goals and I've got this. And he was like, just set a really small goal. That you know you can achieve. It doesn't have to be a big goal, just a small goal and check it off. You did good. And so that's what we tell our mamas. It doesn't, like you said, it can be a shower. It can be making a cup of coffee for yourself. 


It can be a small thing. And then. Check it off because I think a lot of [00:32:00] times, especially, these moms that are coming into this journey and prior to having the baby, they, they may have worked outside the home or worked inside the home or they had the, this set schedule or whatever. 


And now they're like on the couch there, their big event is changing 50 pads on their, and post postpartum pads or whatever. And so they're feeling like, Oh my God, like I'm doing nothing even though they are but just having these little easy goals You like it does something to your brain I don't know So I think that just knowing that and like you said giving yourself grace because this is a huge transition 


Jessica: Yeah. 


A huge transition. And you, I don't think you realize it until you experience it. I had done postpartum for over five years before I became a mom and I feel like I even talk to my moms differently than I did beforehand with like second night syndrome they talk about with babies, cluster [00:33:00] feeding, right? 


It's normal. You're going to get over it. It's a hump. This is normal. This is. It does this to help your, true milk come in on all of these things. And it's a normal thing and you're going to get over it and you're going to get past it, so to speak. And while all that may be true as someone who went through it, it also sucks and it's exhausting and it makes you second guess yourself. 


And so while it may be a normal thing to experience. Let's also follow it up with it's exhausting and it sucks and you're gonna second guess yourself and those are normal things as well 


Trish: Yeah, I like that and another thing I wanted to add as when you were saying like it's okay to say no It's okay to not let this person do that or this person come over It's also okay in postpartum for you to change your mind So yeah may have you may have pictured you as being that person who welcomed the whole church community or all your best [00:34:00] friends into your home to see and visit your baby and see you. 


And then you find yourself going home and not wanting to see a soul. And it's okay to change what you thought it would be and to go with what you're feeling now. Because I think a lot of times what we think our postpartum journey will be like, and this does not matter if it's your first baby or like me, your seventh baby, it's changes. 


It's a. It changes. You change. Yeah. Yeah. And just allowing yourself the freedom. So maybe even during pregnancy, when people are like, Oh my God, I'm gonna drive up and see you after you I wanna wait until you have the baby so I can see the baby. So I'll wait until you get home from the hospital and then I'll drive up and see you. 


And you're like, Oh, okay. You could say something like let's play that by ear depending on how I'm feeling. I'll let you know then. Yeah.[00:35:00] Something like that where you're not flat out saying hell no, but you're saying something that gives you the power to and the other thing is you can say, no, I'm not taking visitors. 


That's fine too. 


Jessica: So sure. And that's one of the ways for your support person, maybe the biggest support is to be the bad guy, so to speak of being like, actually, we're not having visitors right now, or you're limiting it to one person coming over a day or every other day or whatever that looks like for you guys. 


And just be like, that's what my family needs right now. And that's the end of the 


Trish: story. And the other thing I will say, and I'm just gonna put this out here and this may cause problems, but even though it's your baby with your partner and you're both Parents of the baby and your partner is, may want their family to come over. 


Whatever you're comfortable with during this period is what you guys need to really focus [00:36:00] on. This is not a time to be like I don't want to hurt his feelings and I don't want to hurt his family or your partner's family or whatever. This is a time where you're. Star of the situation, the baby will be the baby. 


And I can say this from having a grandson, I didn't get to see him until he was two days old because dang it, she went a week and a half past her due date and I had a trip planned and she delivered emergency C section in my hospital with my girls, but I didn't get to be there. I'm a little bitter, but anyway, I didn't see him till he was. 


Almost three days old, but it was still the most miraculous moment ever and it was the same as had I, it was still my first time seeing him, so whether they see the baby at two days old, a day old, or two weeks old, it's still their first moment seeing the baby. We have FaceTime now and all of those things that are so fantastic. 


So I [00:37:00] just, I want to remind if you're a partner listening or a family member or a mother in law or a mother or whatever, if she is only comfortable, let's say having her sister come in during that sacred time, then let's support her in that. It's 


Jessica: okay. You're allowed to make that call. 


Trish: Yes, you are allowed we're giving you permission and I always tell my mama's to like what you do this time Later on your you may not want that for the next baby and that's okay, too Yeah And you may change your mind you may say nobody can come over for two weeks and then you have the baby and you want People to come over and that's okay, too. 


So anyway, thank you so much for coming today Can you tell everybody I know you have a book in the works And then can you tell everyone where they can find you on Instagram or anywhere else you hang out? So 


Jessica: I'm on Instagram and TikTok and YouTube, but mostly Instagram and TikTok as MotherBabyNurseJessica. 


So you can find me on all those platforms. And my [00:38:00] book Once Baby's Here, it covers everything postpartum care, newborn care. Breastfeeding support person stuff, because as you guys hear support is super important postpartum and basically telling them exactly how they can support you is available on Amazon as an ebook, audio book and paperback and hardcover. 


Trish: Oh, I love it. And I'll link to all of that in the show notes. Thank you so much for coming here today. Wow. What a powerful podcast episode. I want you guys to remember that you get to navigate your postpartum journey, how you want to navigate it. It's your rules, it's your boundaries, but you need to be taking care of you. 


Get ready. Prepare. I wish I had the words to explain how that experience will go for you, but it goes differently for everyone. We would love to have you guys join our postpartum [00:39:00] membership. We love to support our mamas. There's information in the show notes. You are so important. All right, you guys, we'll see you next Friday. 


Bye for now.