Top 10 birth fears and How to overcome them is our topic today!
I am a huge fan of tackling fear by the …you know, and throwing it out.
Here's What I am talking about today:
The unknowns of birth. This is such a common fear.
What's your top birth fear? Is it the one we talked about?
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10 birth fears ig live
[00:00:00] My name is Trish Ware and I am obsessed with all things pregnancy and birth, and helping you to navigate with the practical and the magical seasons of this journey called motherhood. I'm an all day coffee sip and Mama of seven. I've had the amazing privilege of delivering mini babies. In my 15 plus year career as a labor and delivery nurse, and as a mama of seven, I'm here to help you take the guesswork out of childbirth so you can make the choices that are right for you and your baby.
Quick note, this podcast is for educational purposes only and does not replace your medical advice. Check out our full disclaimer at the bottom of the show notes.
Hello everyone. We're gonna talk about the top 10 birth [00:01:00] fears and how to deal with them, how to handle them, how to release them. So what I want you guys to do, Is one of the things I do with my mamas inside of my birth classes and my membership is I want you to physically just when we're talking about those fears, if it's one of your fears or one of the things that you're dealing with, I want you to physically take it and release it.
We're gonna talk about the top 10 ones that we hear in labor, nurse Mama inside of our membership, and here on the platform. So you're going to take it. Release it. Get rid of it. So we're gonna start with the fear. Of the unknown. So if that's your fear, if you're like, oh my God, I'm so afraid of all the things I don't know about, give me an emoji.
So the fear of the unknowns, if that is one of your fears, your birth fears, like all the things I [00:02:00] don't know. Like I'm afraid of the top things, the things we know to be afraid of. But what about all this stuff I don't know about? If that's one of the things you struggle with, then you're not alone because I hear this all the time.
That is probably the top most. Common thing that I hear, and I wanted to read some of the things that we hear. So we dropped a question that we asked some of the mamas in our fearless birth experience, and this is what one of the moms said. Let's see if I can read it. She said, I think women. Mostly myself are afraid because of the unknowns.
Being a first time mom, I didn't really know what to expect about any of it. Just because I'm in labor and I'm going into labor and delivery, are they gonna let me experience labor the way. I want. It's a [00:03:00] whole new experience and it's terrifying. So a lot of women are like, God, every bit of it is unknown to me, like the whole pregnancy experience, the whole labor experience, it's all unknown.
Another mama said there's so many crazy stories around us and. All of these things are unknown to me, and it all boils down to my fears. I keep hearing birthing stories that are super painful and how moms are choosing this and that, but it all gets out of control. So the most common thing about birth that I hear is the unknown.
So what I wanna tell you, if your fear is of all the unknowns, the most powerful thing that you can do is to educate yourself and you're here today. Go you. So if you're here today and you're learning, you've taken a huge step, like a huge, powerful step. So if you have been like, oh my [00:04:00] God, I need to do more, like I've got to figure things out.
I want you to stop right now and give yourself a little bit of credit because you are in the right place. You're here for a reason, and you are learning. You're taking a step towards learning about those unknowns. Education is the number one thing you can do. So I want you to picture your birth experience, like you're going to a foreign country, right?
So I just went to Italy. This is perfect timing. Perfect timing. So I just saw Taylor, my one of my team doulas, she's our community manager and our membership. She will laugh about this because I just went to Italy and it was a hot mess in certain ways because I do not speak Italian. So imagine if you will, the labor room, the birth room is Italy, or it's a foreign country and you don't speak the language well, what do you need?
You need Google Translate on your phone. So your birth class is your Google Translate. You have to [00:05:00] understand so that you can. Order the food, pick out the things you want. You can go shopping, pick out what you want for your plan while you're in the foreign country. So your birth plan you can't really plan your trip or your birth without knowing the different.
Options. And if you've taken any of my classes, I say this all the time, you don't have any option or if you don't know your options, you don't have any. So to, to tackle this fear of the unknowns, you have to educate yourself. You have to know the foreign country, a k a birth that you're entering.
You have to understand the language. You have to know about the interventions you have to. Educate yourself. Do not stick your head in the sand. Do not think someone else is gonna do it all for you. That's a huge mistake. Do not think that your provider is gonna make all the decisions for you? Actually you can think that cuz they will.
They like to do it. They like [00:06:00] to make the decisions for you. But will they be the right ones? Will it be what you really want? You don't know that. Okay, the next one. Y'all ready? The next fear that we hear a lot, now, these aren't in any particular order, but the next one that I hear all the time. In fact, when I started my business, I did a poll of my own friends and family and asked them, what should I teach first?
And in fact, this is episode number one on the birth experience of Labor Nurse Mama, my podcast tearing. How many of you guys are afraid of tearing? The fear of tearing is. When we think of childbirth, I think we all get a little bit shaky and a little fearful when we think about our lady bits tearing.
So I hear about this one all the time and we had this great conversation inside of Calm Mama Society, my membership about tearing, because the truth of the matter is after you get on the [00:07:00] other side, on the other side of your birth, you're gonna realize really quickly. If hemorrhoids show up, that tearing is as not of a bad thing to fear as hemorrhoids are.
Hemorrhoids are the devil. Hemorrhoids are the worst thing that ever was created. Like why did hemorrhoids come about? Hemorrhoids are the worst thing in the world if you've had hemorrhoids and you know what I mean? Hemorrhoids are horrible. They are 1 million times worse than tearing unless you have a third or fourth degree.
I don't wanna make light of that cuz that is not great. But the majority of you guys will not end up with a third or fourth degree. Second degree and first degree most common of tearing. So if you wanna learn a lot about tearing, how to prevent it, what to do, go to episode one of the Birth Experience with Labor Nurse Mama, but the fear of tearing, it's common. But I'm here [00:08:00] to tell you, you should be more scared about getting a hemorrhoid. Hemorrhoids suck and there are things you can do, but unfortunately with both tearing and with hemorrhoids, your genetics and you know your mama and your grandmama, they either curse your, they didn't, cuz genetics play a huge role in whether or not you're going to get hemorrhoids.
As far as tearing though, let me give you a couple practical tips. You want to prevent tearing to the degree that you can because you really can't do any you know everything but you want to eat a healthy diet, increase your fluids, do some pelvic floor training, go see a pelvic floor specialist.
That's fantastic. I recommend that to all pregnant moms. And you want to take care of your body. You wanna do deep squats every day. That's my number one. Go-to do it. Do it. All right, so tearing is the next fear. I want you to release it, pull it out of you. Pull that fear physically out of you. Take your hand, throw it [00:09:00] in the trash can.
It's gone. All right, the next one. Now this one is a hard one for me because I am extremely phobic when it comes to this one. But the next fear that a lot of my mamas deal with is the. Fear of pooping during labor. So if you have this fear, let me know. So the fear of pooping is one that I hear a lot. So when it comes to pooping and labor, number one, I'm just gonna get this outta here.
We don't care. Your labor nurses do not care. Your midwife, your provider, we don't care. It is if I always say, if you have a nurse Ninja, you won't know. We get rid of it, we swipe it. It's gone out of the way. No one knows. I try to get rid of it before your partner even knows it happened. Most of the time, if you have an epidural, you're not gonna know it happened.
I'm gonna have it gone. I have a whole system. Of how I handle it. Before we start pushing, I get a pile of nice little clean gauze. I get some spray, I spray on it. That [00:10:00] smells good. I have a clean, I have a dirty pile, I have a cover. I have it ready to go, and I wipe clean cover while we're pushing.
And you don't even know it happened. No one smells it. No one knows you don't care. But if you have a nurse ninja, she's gonna get rid of it and you won't know it happens. As far as pooping goes, if you have poop in there, if you have anything in there, it's gonna come out. Now, if you go into labor spontaneously, you are going to naturally taper down what you're eating.
So the big controversy, the big talk in the town right now is whether or not you should be allowed to eat while you're in labor. My personal feeling is you should be able to. Be able to do whatever you wanna do in labor. If it's safe. Eating during labor is safe. However, here's the caveat, if you're in spontaneous labor, if you've gone into labor on your own, your body and you are gonna tell you what to do.
So if you are running a marathon, think of this cuz I equate labor with a marathon. If you are [00:11:00] running a marathon, And you have been exercising for, hours by the end of that marathon, are you going to eat a burger? No you're not. You might suck on a honey stick or you might take a bite of a protein bar, but you're not gonna eat a burger.
So women in labor are going to listen to their body. So no one needs to tell us not to eat a greasy burger when you're about to deliver. So we should be able to dictate to ourselves because we're smart enough to know what we should and shouldn't eat. So back to pooping and labor. When you're in labor and you go into spontaneous labor, one of the signs of labor that labor's coming is your digestive system starts to clean itself out.
So women who go into labor on their own typically clean their system out. You typically taper down what you're eating. So by the time you're pushing. If you've gone into labor on your own, chances of you pooping is decreased. Now, if you're [00:12:00] induced, which this girl out of my six babies, half have been induced.
When you're induced, you're not gonna have that natural taper. So you're going to eat up until labor and then you might have a higher chance of pooping during labor. But again, we do not care. Do not worry about it. It's okay. I want you to let that fear. So take your pooping fear, pull it out of you, throw it in the trash.
I'm all about like visual signs. Okay? The next one that I hear a lot is a fear of having a C-section. Now for my v a mamas, this you've experienced the reality of this fear because you've had a C-section. So for a lot of you guys, this fear. Maybe this fear is having another C-section, or maybe your fear is having a C-section, especially one that's not necessary.
So I'm gonna give you guys a couple tips for C-sections like ending up in a C-section. Let's start with one that's not necessary. So a lot of my students and my members will say to me, Trish, [00:13:00] how do I know if a C-section is not necessary? So I wanna give you this tip right here. I want to say if your team, if you're in labor, you're laboring, and your team walks in and says that they think that you need to have a c-section, I always want you to ask for time.
Have time to think, have time to wait. If you have time to wait, then you have time to process. Ask your provider for alternatives. What if we do this? What if we try that? If your provider gives you time and agrees to time to try things, Then you try those things. Try to work out with your provider. Now, if your team comes running in, you know your nurse is throwing a scrub cap on throwing her shoes on, the team is rushing around and they are wanting to rush you to the or.
This is an emergent situation, and your provider is clearly telling you there's [00:14:00] no time. Then this is most likely. An emergent situation and more than likely necessary, so you always want to communicate with your provider. In fact, this is my first workshop that we're doing during our Fearless Birth experience.
We're gonna start out the week with teaching you guys how to clearly communicate and how to read your providers, how to listen to your providers and how to read. The room so that okay, this is a situation where I need to be really keyed in. And we're gonna talk about creating your birth plan.
We're gonna talk about presenting your birth plan, who needs it, and we're gonna talk about all the myths and all the people who say, you don't need a birth plan, they're useless. Why do one, they don't follow 'em. We're gonna talk about all of that during my fearless birth experience, which is coming in a week and a half.
It's our five days of free birth classes anyway, so C-sections. So the key to C-sections, again is [00:15:00] education, understanding the cascade of interventions, because we don't just un, unless it's a breach baby. Or a placental problem or a situation where vaginal delivery would be absolutely insanely dangerous.
Then we're not just gonna go straight to C-sections. A C-section is like an end result intervention, right? Hopefully it should be. Now, there are some providers that are just C-section happy, but that's a whole nother. Topic. So when it comes to a C-section, a lot of times you can trace it back to a bad decision here, like way back in the timeline.
So one of the things I love to do is to educate my students so that they can figure out like, where is that kink in the beginning to where, okay, maybe. Deciding to be induced was not a good plan. So a lot of my vback mamas, we work through their previous birth story so that we can find out where that bad decision happened so that we prevent it from happening with [00:16:00] this birth story so we can have a redemptive birth story.
Because choosing to be induced when your cervix is not favorable for an induction might. End you up, you might end up in the OR for an a cesarean. So the key to not having an unnecessary C-section is really going back in the timeline and being educated and being able to say no to inductions, to interventions, to decisions.
Remember I said I said that you, if you don't know your options, you don't have any. So we definitely want to know and understand all the key pivotal points in decision making throughout your pregnancy and throughout your birth journey. You need to be in charge. You need to be the driver. So I want you to take that fear of ending up in a C-section and say, hell no, I'm in charge.
I'm driving the ship and I'm [00:17:00] gonna be in charge of even the smallest of decisions. That could be a key point in pointing me towards the OR. And one of my students, we were doing reviews and interviewing and doing videos with our students and I was doing one with Jessica and her husband Ethan, and we were talking and he said, you know what, Jessica and I, we didn't wanna get in line with everyone else headed to the OR.
And I thought that was so powerful. Because our birth culture, our current birth culture is just a line of people headed to the OR and we gotta break that line up. We gotta say no, and it has to go all the way back to those early decisions. Okay? Taking the fear of C-section, throwing it in the trash can.
All right, the next one is not getting my epidural in time. I hear this all the time. I had to throw this in here. Because I hear it all the time Trish, what if I don't get to the hospital in time to get my epidural? So if this [00:18:00] is one of your your fears that you're worried about, then I want to address this.
Number one, let me talk to my first time mamas, because most of the time this is usually an unfounded fear for my first time moms, because you usually get to the hospital. Way sooner than I want you to get there. And my doulas as well, we want you to get there a little bit later than you typically get there.
Now, I'm not knocking you because if you get there sooner and that's what you need for your peace of mind, that's fine, but you are gonna get there probably soon enough. Usually doesn't happen too late. There's a good time to get to the hospital. There's not a perfect time for getting an epidural. So everybody asks like, when should I get my epidural?
There's not a perfect time for everyone. There's not a blanket answer for that, but usually what I say is active labor. So what I mean by that is, If you stay at home and hit my contraction rule, that's usually a good time to get to the hospital and a [00:19:00] perfect time to ask for your epidural so you can ask for it.
On the way in the door, they can alert the anesthesiologist to get ready to get your stuff going, draw your blood, and everybody can be ready to get your epidural going by the time you are ready for it. So my first time Mama rule is that your contractions are less than four minutes apart. Each contraction lasting for a minute or more for two hours.
Okay? So if you hit that rule, go to the hospital, ask for your epidural and triage. By the time you get to the room, get your epidural, you're good to go. Now, my second time moms, for you guys, there's more of a likelihood that you might get to the hospital and go a little quicker and not get your epidural in time.
So this is a fear. That might be more founded that you might face this one. So if you're really dead set on getting epidural, [00:20:00] now I, this is a two-sided one because usually my girls who get to the hospital and don't get there in time to get their epidural, they end up being like, it wasn't horrible, wasn't what I planned, but wasn't horrible.
So if you get to the hospital and your labor's going so fast, which second time, second births usually go pretty fast, you might find out that it wasn't as bad. To go un medicated, but if your plan is to get a epidural, then I would say to go to the hospital when your contractions are less than five minutes.
Each contraction lasting, one minute for one hour, and you should get there around the right time. Now as far as the other thing people say is is it like when is it too late to get an epidural? So typically that depends on the anesthesiologist or the cna. They will set those rules. So I have had some CNAs and epi and anesthesiologists that will do it like right up until the time the baby's about to come out with a first time [00:21:00] mom with our repeat offenders a second time mom or more.
Once you're complete, that baby's gonna come out with a with a little bit of a cough. So it's a little bit iffy with that. But a first time mom they'll go pretty late. So chances of you missing a window of getting an epidural is pretty slim, although it does happen now. Back in the day, they used to cut it off at seven centimeters.
For a first time mom and a second time mom, or someone like me, it could be like five or six centimeters, but not getting your epidural in time for my first time moms. Pull that fear out. Throw it in the trash cuz it's probably not gonna happen. Okay. The other one is your birth plan not going the way you want or not having the birth that you want.
And this one is one that I hear a lot, and I hear this one a lot. When something occurs during the pregnancy that changes. What my mama wanted. So for instance, maybe you had this idea of your birth and then [00:22:00] you got diagnosed with something else. So maybe you got diagnosed with G D M or you got diagnosed with as G B S positive, or maybe you were thinking you wanted to go unmedicated, but you found out this was going on or something through a loop in your birth plan.
This is one of the number one reasons that we call a birth plan your birth map, and I want you to picture your birth plan as, remember I said that your birth is like going to a foreign land. So picture your birth plan as a birth map. Stop. Stop calling it a plan. It's your map. Your birth is the destination.
This is the exotic, like foreign country that you're going to. The baby is like the destination. You're going to this foreign country and you've got a map to get there. If you were going to this amazing foreign destination and you started out on the journey, let's say you're leaving and your Uber cancels, you're not gonna just be like screw it.
I'm done. You would call [00:23:00] another Uber, and if you get in your Uber and the highway is blocked, you would take a back road. So when you picture your birth plan, I don't want you to picture it as a one way fits all. I want you to picture it as fluid. It's a map, and you're going to learn. All the things so that you can flow with it.
So I want you to forget that this is just a one-way fits all. This is a fluid map that you're gonna learn, so that you can adjust with it. It's no longer just a one-way fits all. Okay? So we're gonna let that fear go. Get out of it. All right. The other one is not being listened to. Not having, being, the communication that you're not being honored that you aren't a part of the decision making.
This one is a, this one is founded in truth, I'm just gonna say this one. However, the number one thing you can do about not being [00:24:00] listened to is to find your voice and again, Education. You also have to be taught how to speak the language. You also have to understand like your rights. You have so many rights in birth.
You have so many ways in which that you can find your voice and learn how to communicate. You also have to be able to Have the courage. We a lot of times want to please, we wanna be people pleasers, especially with our providers. And one of the things my girls have talked to me inside of my membership is they want their nurses they don't wanna be that patient.
They want their nurses to like them. They don't want their nurses to go out to the station and talk bad about them. So I want you to let that go though, because this is your birth. This is your experience. You don't need to worry if everyone likes you or they're talking good about you. That does not matter.
What matters is what's [00:25:00] happening in that room. Is it what you want? Is this something that you are gonna look back on and be happy about and be, have peace about? Does it make you calm? So you really have to be educated to understand you know when to say yes, when to say no. To have effective communication because if you're not solid in what you know or what you understand, then you're not gonna be able to express it effectively.
So that's one of the ways we empower our students is teaching them, How to express their desires effectively, how to ask good questions when to step back and listen, how to not react in emotions and to take time and wait. There's so much power in stopping and listening. So all of those things can really help you with that fear of not being listened to and how to communicate more powerfully.
And so that's a huge thing. Again, we're just talking about our top birth [00:26:00] fears and we are down to the last two is combined, but we're gonna talk about the last two are huge, which are not being able to handle the pain and losing control, which are intertwined, right? Not being able to handle the pain and losing control.
So how many of you guys struggle with those two? Worrying about what if I can't handle the pain of labor and what if I lose my shit? What if I absolutely lose it and I do no good, like I can't handle it and I'm like a floppy noodle that and just can't give birth to my baby. So these two things, again, this comes down to having an arsenal of tools.
So this is why when I do the fearless birth experience, I include my class on. Understanding the pain of labor. I really am [00:27:00] so passionate about empowering you guys to reframe your brain. Reset your brain. Like years ago I heard this powerful mindset teaching and it forever. Changed me, and I am so lucky because my husband is like the guru of mindset.
He helps me all the time. But what we tell ourselves, what we believe inside of our head matters because what we tell ourselves on the daily, we manifest. So the way that you view the pain of labor it affects you in a mighty way. So the class that I teach during fearless birth experience, I try to help you reframe, reset the soundtrack in your brain.
And that's the class I took that I took for myself years ago. Not even anything to do with birth, but of course y'all know that everything I do in my real life, I apply to birth because birth, it's my passion. But you [00:28:00] have to reset that soundtrack. So just imagine if you will, you know how when you're doing, you're going about your business and.
You get a sound, a song in your brain, and that's that, and you're singing it and singing it, and you're going, God dang it. Get this song out of my freaking brain. You've got it in your brain. We do that with thoughts too. So you have to be able to skip a beat and get rid of that soundtrack.
The same with a song. What they've shown in science is that you have to finish the song. You have to sing the whole song to get it out of your brain. So I want you to take that fear of pain. And I, how I do that is I take my students, and this is why I do this during my free classes, is we break down the pain of labor.
I teach you where it comes from. And why you shouldn't be afraid of it, so that we can break that soundtrack and flip the way you look at it. So instead of being afraid of it, You're freaking excited for it because this pain [00:29:00] is different. This is a good pain. This pain is the ticket to the most incredible thing you will ever hold in your arms, ever.
So it's a good pain. So we have to flip the script Now as far as losing control. That one again, of course we're gonna lose control if we go into our birth like a raving lunatic without any tools. So you had a picture that you've got a tool belt on. We call it our labor tool bag, and you're gonna pack it full of tools.
On day four of fearless birth experience, I'm gonna teach you all like I'm gonna teach you a few of my tools, not all of them. I'm gonna teach you a few of my tools that I teach, so you have a practical tool to pull out. So when you go into the labor room, you're not like, oh my God, what do I do? You're gonna be like, oh shit, I know what to do.
You're gonna pull your tool out. You're gonna use it and you're gonna be like, okay, that one's not working right now. It was working an hour ago, but I need a new one. You're gonna pull another one out and you're gonna cope. Because we lose control when we don't have [00:30:00] a means of escape in any area of life.
But in labor specifically, you have to have. Tools. So you have to go into your labor with a tool belt filled with tools because you're not gonna do very well if you don't, so you don't wanna wing it. So taking care of that, by throwing that fear away, by filling up your tool bag. If you fill up your tool bag, guess what?
Your fear has no room to live. You gotta get rid of it. So we've talked about almost all of the fears. The last one I wanna talk about. Is one that I hear and I know is back there in the back of your brain. And some of you, it might be a huge one, but that is a fear of something bad happening to you or your little one.
And this is one that you know, I. No matter how educated you are or you know how much you know the statistics, and for some demographics, the, it's higher, there is a higher chance [00:31:00] of issues, especially if you have maybe higher risk statistics for. Those of you who fear something happened to you. This is where I think you wanna practice some mindset techniques.
You wanna do some journaling. Maybe if you ha if you struggle with anxiety, you wanna make sure you're doing therapy, you have a good support system, and just remembering the things that are in your control, like being educated. Like eating a good, healthy diet, staying hydrated, going to your prenatal visits, that's really important.
Making sure that baby's doing well and you're doing well, and just remembering what is inside of your control and what you can do to invest into your birth experience, and then letting go of the things that you can't control, and that's where the power is. So I hope. That this was beneficial to you guys.
I did not mean to go for 40 minutes. I like to respect your time, cuz I know y'all [00:32:00] don't have time to sit for an hour listening to me rattle on. But it's really important that you guys face these birth fears and face these fears head on. And what we like to do is to take the fears and replace them with truth.
Take the power out of the fear. Put the power into the truth. That's the way you deal with them head on. All right, you guys, I'm gonna go snuggle with my little guy. I hope you have a fantastic day. As always, send us a dm, send us a question we love to connect with you guys. Have a fantastic day.
If we didn't cover your birth fear today, you can still apply the same techniques. I want you to educate yourself, and then I want you to replace your fear with truth and release it. As always, hit subscribe. Leave us a review and we'll see you again next Friday. Bye for now.[00:33:00]